Episode Report Card M. Giant: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Velvet Underground
By M. Giant | Season 4 | Episode 24 | Aired on 05.22.2005
Black Screen. Title card: "One Year Later." Three Middle Eastern guys huddle in some desert scrub at nighttime over a subtitle that reads "U.S. Mexico Border [sic]." I guess since this was never going to be shown on network TV, they didn't need a censor or a subtitle proofreader. One of them blinks a flashlight at someone who's waiting some distance away on the other side of a double layer of chain link fence. The other guy starts running. One of the guys says to the guy in the middle (a bald guy whom you may recognize from the season premiere as TerrorTurk), "Go straight across. Someone is waiting for you on the other side." Except he says it in Spanish with English subtitles. Oh, my mistake; those other two guys must be Mexicans. I was so confused by the way the show kept hiring Hispanic actors to play Middle Eastern terrorists that I assumed these guys were playing Middle Easterners as well. Sorry about that.
TerrorTurk and one of the Mexicans run for the fence. They slide down a steep embankment, kicking up a ridiculous amount of dust up into the moonlight along the way. TerrorTurk is dragging briefcase with him. At the bottom is an eight-foot concrete wall topped by chain link. Leaving the case behind, TerrorTurk accepts a boost to the top of the wall, where a gap has already been cut into the fence. He wiggles through. The Rio Grande is so not grande that it's barely a rio at this point; it's just a trickle along the bottom of the concrete riverbed, which is consistent with how dry the surrounding banks are. TerrorTurk crawls across an extension ladder that's been laid across the river to the other side. The Mexican who accompanied him to the wall climbs back up the embankment, now holding the briefcase. When he rejoins his compadre, they open the case to reveal stacks of Benjamins. Across the river, TerrorTurk drops a satchel to the man waiting below, then hops down himself and recovers his bag. They both dash over to an old sedan parked nearby. The guy with the car opens the trunk and holds out the keys to TerrorTurk, who gut-shoots him through a silencer before taking them. Now that's just rude. The man falls forward into TerrorTurk's arms, and TerrorTurk dumps the body in the trunk. Meanwhile, the two compadres from the other side finish counting their money and hop back into their van. Which TerrorTurk, using a remote control, blows to hell with a bomb he must have planted earlier. He makes a satisfied face at the conflagration across the river and slams the trunk lid as the burning hulk of the van starts sliding down the embankment. He hops into the car and dials a cell phone. "I'm in the U.S.," he says in English before hanging up, a short call even for this show. He drives off, all his loose ends taken care of except for that extension ladder and a soon-to-be-charred pile of bones, scrap metal, and money on the far side of the border. Fade to black.