Episode Report Card Demian: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Men Suck
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 21 | Aired on 05.03.2003
The frosty WASP who hears this rhyme
Will hurry up and end this goddamned episode already.
Oh, shut up. Like proper scansion ever mattered on Charmed.
A swirl of twinkly white lights dances around Grams's bosom. Once the lights have dissipated, Piper orders her grandmother to tell Corporeal Chris "how [she] really feel[s] about him." Grams turns to face him and, beaming, breathes, "I love you!" "Got any other brilliant ideas?" Raige snots. Heh. But wait! Grams isn't finished. "But the truth is," she adds, caressing his cheek, "that our love isn't nearly as powerful as the love I have for my family." Piper and Raige practically clap their hands with glee while Phoebe's all, "Hey! Was that a slam? 'Cause I can fire you, too, you old bag." Grams spins back to the Book and recites the following:
Ashes to ashes,
Spirit to spirit --
Take his soul,
Banish this evil.
By the way, she turned around to stare him down with a mixture of defiance and remorse as she recited the final line. Grams rules.
Drained, Grams addresses her granddaughters. "I am so sorry," she states, more to Phoebe and Piper than to Raige. "I never realized how much my anger -- my bitterness -- affected my life, or yours." Grams gets WASPily verklempt and directs this next specifically to Piper. "But I'm most sorry for what I did to my great-grandson, and you. And if I wanted a second chance, it would be with him," Grams concludes. Piper brushes a tear from her eye and crosses to embrace her dead grandmother. Then Grams ruins the moment by blithering some crap about never giving up on love. Whatever, lady.
The following morning, Raige returns to Trudeau Memorial to give Ratbag a final piece of her mind before the spell wears off. With Darryl at her side, she confronts him through the bars. "I thought you would have a problem with magic. I didn't think you would be a problem on some basic human level." Yeah, I know. It makes a lot more sense when you read it out loud. The twinkly lights reappear on Ratbag's chest, indicating that we have at long last reached "now again." "What am I doing in jail?" Ratbag guhs. "Why don't you ask your wife?" Raige spits before flouncing off. Darryl releases Ratbag with a stern warning never to contact Raige again. Aw. Ain't he the butchest thing?
Airport To Whatever. Chronic waits by his jet for the Feebs. He's still not naked, so long story short, she jiggles on over and dumps him. Scene.