Episode Report Card Demian: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Men Suck
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 21 | Aired on 05.03.2003
Are you ready for a Wiccaning? I said, ARE YOU READY FOR A WICCANING?! Well, too bad. You're getting one anyway. Raige, Phoebe, and Grams wait near the Book as Piper and the Dolt enter with The Rapidly Aging Done One. Piper's slung the kid into an old-fashioned christening gown of the sort that promises dire and crippling repercussions as far as his gender identity is concerned. She's also wearing a hideous pair of brown go-go boots with a matching above-the-knee skirt. Piper, baby. Where did our love go? Grams steps up to the plate and begins to summon the Glamorous Grandladies:
I call forth from space and time
Matriarchs from the Halliwell line --
Bright points of white light burst in the air above and behind Grams to swirl about with comet-like tails as Grams continues:
Mothers, daughters, sisters, friends,
Our family spirit without end --
The various lights arrange themselves in front of the bay window and coalesce into the spectral forms of a dozen women as Grams finishes the spell:
To gather now in this sacred place
And help us bring this child to grace.
The Glamorous Grandladies have now joined the group in the attic. For some inexplicable reason, Charlotte, Melinda, Teeth!, and Prue are not among them. Okay, fine. Prue's not there because Alyssa had Shannen fired, but where the hell are the other three? Also, aside from one biddy in knockoff "Puritan" attire, the Glamorous Grandladies all wear long, pastel-colored dresses vaguely reminiscent of fashions from the first two decades of the last century. Either someone transferred vital funding from the costuming budget to cover the costs of that entrance effect, or everyone in Heaven dresses like Norman Bates's mother.
Grams takes The Rapidly Aging Done One in her arms, faces the Glamorous Grandladies, and offers the following benediction:
The next generation has been born into our family: Our legacy. We pledge to be with this child -- this beautiful boy -- always. Apart, but never separate; free, but never alone. He is one of us, and because of that we will bless him with all the goodness that we are. Welcome to the family, [You Rapidly Aging Drag Queen]. Blessed be.
The various Glamorous Grandladies echo the "blessed be" bit. Likewise, the Manor Four. Grams passes The Done One back to Piper with, "Take good care of my great-grandson." She backs up with a warm smile on her face to join the other Glamorous Grandladies. As she crosses some unseen border, Grams decorporealizes. The other Grandladies flare up white and shoot upwards through the ceiling, followed presently by Grams, who does the same. The camera cuts back over to Piper, the Dolt, and The Rapidly Aging Drag Queen for a moment before we fade to black.