Episode Report Card Demian: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Men Suck
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 21 | Aired on 05.03.2003
Downstairs, the Dolt tries to get rid of Chronic, but Phoebe jiggles over to handle the situation. Chronic's still not flashing any significant amount of skin, by the way, so I'm already bored. Long story short, Phoebe doesn't want to end up aged and embittered like Grams, so she agrees to fly to Hong Kong with Chronic the following morning. Chronic's delighted. Scene.
Attic. Phoebe bursts into the room to bubble cheerfully, "How do you feel about intercontinental orbing?" Piper, who hasn't had time to fetch Prue's Enormous Bitch from the cellar, simply deadpans, "We'll talk about that later," and hands Phoebe the summoning spell. As the Feebs reads the lines aloud in the attic, her voice carries over to the chamber, where Grams valiantly fends off the force of the spell. "Don't try to fight it," Chris croons in her ear. As he strokes her cheek, he continues, "You have no choice but to do as I wish." Grams shudders and sighs and vanishes into a swirling cloud of glowing golf balls that whisks her back to the Manor. The gals lead her over to the Book, which they've opened to the appropriate vanquishing spell. Grams attempts to explain her predicament, but Chris, still coveting that soul of hers, hits her with a searing telepathic migraine. Grams can do no more than apologize for what's about to transpire. Chris finally pirates into the room. "Read the spell," Piper shouts. "Don't bother," Chris sneers at her. "She's with me now." Chris crosses to Grams's side and whispers, "It's time, dear." Grams utters not a word, but you can tell she's thinking, "Right about now would be a perfect moment for the earth to crack open and swallow me whole." Piper makes a mental note to keep Prue's Enormous Bitch strapped to her body at all times as Phoebe and Raige allow their eyes to pop out into the commercial break.
Attic. Raige suggests that Piper deploy the Hands Of Discontent. Piper reminds Raige that she can't blow up something that's already dead. Hey, now that you mention it, Piper, riddle me this: Why didn't Chris disappear into The Waste Land a century ago after his first vanquish? You can find my email address in my staff bio. I eagerly await your reply. Grams intones the opening lines of the Glamorous Grandlady Summoning Spell. The Current Ps freak. Piper rashly orders Raige to hit Grams with the Truth Spell. Raige, frantic, does so, but again neglects to complete the damn thing. Pretend she added the following: