Episode Report Card Demian: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Men Suck
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 21 | Aired on 05.03.2003
Meanwhile, back in the chamber, Chris gazes longingly at the unconscious Grams, then flicks out a jazz hand with the command, "Awaken!" Grams gasps and leaps to her feet to smack Chris up with a little telekinetic mojo. Chris stops her dead in her tracks with another jazz hand. "I covet your spirit," he reminds her, "and any spirit I covet, I control." Now that's a goddamned power, people. Can you imagine what you could do with that? Why isn't this guy ruling the Underworld? Or saddling Grams with his laundry, for that matter? Questions for another time, I suppose, as Corporeal Chris chooses to blather about the deep and abiding love Grams still feels for him. "You're crazy!" she hisses, leaping backwards exactly like a furious cat. "I hate you!" Chris whips out that tired "you only hate the ones you love" line, and Grams, for some reason, melts a bit. "You used me," she sighs pathetically, unable to resist Chris's many dubious charms and hating herself for it. She should. Did I mention that he looks like a damn pirate? "You preyed on my affections to get to my family," Grams continues. "I never intended to fall in love with you, but I did," he swears, gently taking her hands in his. "Armond," she starts delicately, before steeling herself once more when he suggests that she summon the Glamorous Grandladies so he can suck up their combined essence, somehow resurrecting both Grams and himself in the process. He plants a sizzling wet one on her lips, and Grams swoons. "You're going to help us both to live again," he claims, "forever!" Grams looks miserable, yet strangely excited at the same time.
Allow me a moment, if you will. Jennifer Rhodes and Chris Sarandon had criminal amounts of fun with that scene -- so much so that I was very nearly able to forget I'd already seen the same fricking thing replayed endlessly between Phoebe and Cole in countless episodes spanning two and a half seasons. So, I'm torn. On the one hand, I'm irritated that they're attempting to legitimize Phoebe's questionable decisions over the years by revealing that a character as beloved as Grams has made and continues to make the same mistakes. On the other hand, I'm wondering if what I just saw was a balls-out parody of an imposed-from-above storyline that had the writers tearing their hair out in frustration well before the halfway mark of the fourth season. First of all, you've got two geriatrics (sorry, but they are) acting like a pair of idiotic, hormonally hyperactive teenagers, and doing a damn entertaining job of it, too. Secondly, "Armond"? Bwa! So, which is it? A shameless attempt to redeem the Feebs? Or a sly rebellion by the writing staff against Brad Kern and the hateful suits at the WB? Quite frankly, I can't decide.
Over in the attic, Piper, Phoebe, and Raige prepare to summon Grams back from the cavern just as the doorbell rings below. Phoebe peers out the window to find a heavily stoned hedgehog on her front porch. Feebs abruptly drops the Hong Kong bomb and glides out of the room as Raige gapes and Piper starts rooting around the attic for Prue's Enormous Bitch. I think it's still in the basement, hon.