Episode Report Card Demian: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Secretly INSANE Brody And The Warehouse Of Doom
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.15.2005
Manor. The Dolt orbs into the nonexistent attic to find his sometimes ex-wife and her trampy sister frozen in place where Mousy Debbie left them. He sort of wiggles his hand around a bit, and the Manor-bound Ps snap out of the freeze to continue plowing towards the upper stairs. They quickly figure out what happened and head to the table to scry for Ronnie The Loser and Mousy Debbie's current location. "Though without our powers," Phoebe worries, "I don't know how to convince them to give them back." "We'll jump off that bridge when we get to it," Piper grunts. Speaking of bridges certain people should jump off of, the ever-useless Elders ring the Dolt's bell to summon him to a confab atop the Golden Gate. The Dolt orbs out of there with a promise to return shortly, as Phoebe's scrying crystal swings itself far beyond the city limits to a closed California highway map lying at the edge of the table. Piper gingerly unfolds the state map, and the crystal immediately slams down on Lake Tahoe. D'oh!
Cut to an aggravating montage of Mousy Debbie and Ronnie The Loser bilking some random casino out of all of its money via blackjack and slot machines and roulette before we finally settle down to watch Ronnie correctly call a few rolls at the craps table. To his credit, Ronnie The Loser generously tips the cocktail waitress when she drops off a Sea Breeze for Mousy Debbie. He also rather gallantly frets that they haven't blown up Mousy Debbie's ex yet. She assures him they can cross off that little item on their to-do list tomorrow, just as a seriously unamused Piper arrives at the table with Phoebe in tow. Buh? How'd they get to Nevada so fast? And how will they get back to San Francisco in the time it takes the Dolt to meet with the ever-useless Elders? Whatever! I don't care. I DO NOT CARE! Because? That's right: This show sucks, and I want to die. Piper assures Ronnie The Loser in no uncertain terms that he'll not be rolling again that evening. Mousy Debbie's all, "And what the hell are you gonna do about it?" Apparently, Phoebe intends to gift Ronnie The Loser with her Touched By A Cordelia premonition of The Superwonderful Avatarlicious Future Beyond Good And Evil which, she assures him "will offer [him] more than this casino." That's a sucker bet if I ever heard one. Roll the dice instead, Ronnie!
Ronnie's an idiot, though, for the next shot captures Phoebe leading him into an unoccupied service hallway, with Piper and Mousy Debbie trailing along behind. I'm not even going to bother with a blow-by-blow of what follows, because you know what happens? Phoebe ends up showing him her future -- you know, the one where she's in the wretched Alanis wig, cooing at her ugly daughter on the sun-dappled lawn of an elementary school? Now, I would understand all of this if the Touched By A Cordelia premonition could somehow be altered to incorporate Ronnie's personal stakes in The Superwonderful Avatarlicious Future Beyond Good And Evil, but as it is, why the hell should this guy give a flying rat's ass about what happens to her? Over it! I AM OVER THIS SHOW! Gah! Long story short, Ronnie The Loser lives up to his nickname by beaming beatifically at the vision of Phalanis's joyful future and ugly daughter, and he immediately agrees to switch back the powers. Douche. Piper's apparently as annoyed that this worked as I am.