Episode Report Card Demian: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Secretly INSANE Brody And The Warehouse Of Doom
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.15.2005
Just as the demon vanishes, the somewhat crispy Dolt orbs in, all, "You okay?" Piper's more interested in discovering why the Dolt's so sooty. "I thought you went to see the [ever-useless] Elders?" she wonders. "I did," he mutters, before adding darkly, "We need to talk." DUN!
Warehouse Of They Can't Kill These People Fast Enough For Me. Secretly INSANE Brody, anguished, watches his oblivious Pa and Ma paw through various artifacts as the clock above their heads hits 7:52. "It's time," he whispers to Raige, who steels herself for what follows. One of the Customs agents takes the box of vials from Pa Brody and begins to walk it elsewhere when he's suddenly struck from behind by a Flaming Ball Of Death. As he howls and erupts in a fireball, the unsecured box flips through the air, spilling its contents to the warehouse floor, where they shatter on the concrete. In this evening's only cool effects shot, the smoky tendrils of anti-Avatar mojo instantly whip up into the air from the broken vials, sightlessly searching for something to kill. Finding the warehouse entirely devoid of Avatars at the moment, the tendrils quickly collapse back upon themselves and vanish. In slow motion, Pa Brody pivots to find Riff-Raff, here again playing the lead Celerity Demon, glaring at him from the open loading dock doors. Two other celerity demons explode into the doorway on either side of Riff as Secretly INSANE Brody gasps, "Demons!" And ones with whom he's intimately familiar, no less. What are the odds? By the way, Raige and Brody remain in normal time throughout this scene, so I'm guessing the Avatars flipped the slaughter into slow-motion so the Celerity Demons could be properly identified by the time-tripping humans present. Anyway, back to the massacre: Ma Brody spins from the other Customs agent's side to flee, but one of Riff's henchdemons explodes over to shish-kebab her with his claw. And that was such a lovely sweater she had on. "Ruth!" Pa Brody screams, darting over to her as she drops slowly to her knees. Secretly INSANE Brody is in tears. Suffer, bitch. Riff's other henchdemon explodes in beside Pa Brody, latches onto his shoulder, and pushes his claw through Pa Brody's chest from behind. Tasty! Meanwhile, the remaining Customs agent squeezes off a couple of rounds in Riff-Raff's direction. The first ricochets off...something, so it can quite neatly dart back across the room and shatter the clock, stopping it at the precise moment Ma and Pa Brody died. The second bullet goes wide as Riff flips another FBOD at the remaining agent, who dissolves in a gout of flame just as Pa Brody collapses, dead. Riff picks his way across the warehouse floor to glare disgustedly at the shattered Avatar-killing vials scattered around Pa Brody's head. Presently, his henchdemons explode into place on either side of him. "We needed those potions," Riff-Raff growls. "I told you we should have waited," the leftmost henchdemon sneers. "How will we protect ourselves?" the rightmost henchdemon wonders, and it's SAG cards for everyone! Hooray! In answer to that last question, Riff heaves a terribly put-upon sigh and glums, "We won't." With that, he and the henchdemons explode on out of there.
You'd think Raige and Secretly INSANE Brody would explode on out of there as well at this point, seeing as how Kyle now knows the truth. And you'd be wrong. Why? Because we need a nice, long, weepy scene wherein Brody Realizes The Error Of His Ways, Sort Of. Oh, and look at that! It comes complete with Rotten So-Called Emoting From Tonight's Troll-Like Child Guest Star! The Cab Troll wanders onto the scene with his styrofoam cup of soda, which he promptly drops so he can race to his dead father's side and sniffle -- get this -- exactly twice. No uncontrollable blubbering. No weeping freely from the eyes. Just two perfectly exaggerated sniffles. Banish all children from television! Immediately! The Cab Troll does, however, retrieve one unshattered vial from his father's rapidly cooling hand, and this, we're meant to assume, is the same Destructive Egyptian Vial Of Tendrilly Avatar Doom he flipped at the Dolt twenty-three or so years later at the top of this episode. Secretly INSANE Brody kneels down at his smaller self's side to offer a few remarks of the "buck up, little camper" variety before you all learn what I meant by that "Sort Of" earlier in this paragraph. As Raige softly whispers, "We have to go," Secretly INSANE Brody spots one more unshattered vial hidden in the shadows beneath a nearby crate. We know that This Is Significant thanks to The Ominous Musical Cue as the camera pans in on the vial. And by The Darkly Murderous Expression on Secretly INSANE Brody's face. And by The Lengthy Amount Of Time It Takes The Stupid Cameraman To Pan In On The Darkly Murderous Expression On Secretly INSANE Brody's Face As The Ominous Musical Cue Continues Beneath. End this scene! Now!