Episode Report Card Demian: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sand Francisco Dreamin'
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.08.2003
...we're watching a sepia-toned Dolt descend the staircase with a swaddled newborn cradled in his arms. The Dolt reaches the landing, and in typical Dolt fashion promptly misplaces the child. Okay, fine. The kid just vanishes, but I prefer to believe the moron lost it. Sepia Dolt goes all Lindy Chamberlain on the audience's collective ass and scuttles down the remaining steps, panting, "Where's my baby?" over and over again. Cherchez la dingo, Dolt. The image slips into a jerky, skipped-frame slow-motion -- the better to indicate the Dolt's mental anguish, or something. Whatever. As the Dolt frantically barrels through the sun porch into the sitting room, the screen flares white, and...
...we're back in the Bridal Boudoir. Hank observes the agitated Dolt for a moment, then turns to vanish through the wall into...
...The Prue Halliwell Memorial Bimbo Boudoir Of Paisley Tit Slings And Other Fashion Atrocities, currently occupied by a slumbering Raige. Hank sprinkles a bit of CGI glitter onto Raige's face, Raige twitches her nose, the screen flares white, and we're...
...over in a blindingly-lit, overexposed version of P3. The club's empty, save for thirty or so vacantly-smiling Stepford Sorority Girls arranged about the room, bearing gifts. The camera shudders backwards through the formation as one of the Stepfords advances to place her offering on the floor beneath a slowly rocking cradle. The camera shudders back through the crowd as Raige arrives, cuddling a small toy clown. The Stepfords as one drop their offerings and silently turn to walk away. "Wait!" Raige cries, dismayed and near tears. "You haven't even seen the baby yet!" The shot shifts to a Raige POV of the cradle as a disembodied infant wails, and yes, I'm sure the Rosemary's Baby imagery is intentional. "What'd you expect?" Raige's doll sneers in the vaguely alcoholic, Brooklynese rasp beloved by scary clowns everywhere. Raige inhales sharply and holds the doll at arm's length. "They don't care about the kid," the clown continues. "Nobody does." Very nice, seamless effects shot here of the actor's animated lips on the doll's body, and I must add that this is one fugly-ass clown. More on him later, though. Raige, horrified, shakes her head in mute denial as the screen flares white and...
...we shoot back over to the Manor. Hank eyes Raige, then turns to vanish through the wall into...
...The Prue Halliwell Memorial Bimbo Boudoir Of Paisley Tit Slings And Other Fashion Atrocities, now occupied by Phoebe. Sprinkle. Twitch. Flare...