Episode Report Card Demian: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sand Francisco Dreamin'
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.08.2003
...cut back to Piper in the parlor, grinning like a deeply satisfied fool in her sleep. The Dolt's disturbed. Raige pulls a very funny "Yikes!" face and turns to check on the Ryder in the sun porch. Ryder gives her an affable two-fingered salute as he promptly vanishes. "Where'd he go?" asks the Dolt. "Nowhere," Piper replies from the parlor. "He was right here." Piper, you see, was dreaming about the good old days, before she'd turned into a bloated hormonal shrew and the Dolt would perform unspeakable acts upon her person on a nightly basis. But that's an unpleasant mental image, so let's see what Raige is up to over at the sofa, shall we? Oh, she's concerned, because Phoebe has yet to awake. In fact, Phoebe gasps, and we...
...hit the black-and-white basement just as Butcher Boy demolishes a set of shelves. Phoebe clatters up the rickety stairs, but as she reaches the top, she steels her resolve and turns to confront her tormentor. Butcher Boy mounts the first couple of steps. Oh, not like that. Gross. Phoebe grips the staircase handrails and lands both feet in his face. Butcher Boy topples backwards, but splits into three when he crashes onto the concrete. Whoops. Didn't see that one coming, did you? No, I mean it -- you didn't, did you? Because I sure as hell didn't. The Butchers Three, armed now with an axe and a cleaver in addition to the chainsaw, rise to their feet to menace and growl. Phoebe unleashes an ear-splitting howl of terror, and...
...we cut back to the parlor. Piper, Raige, and the Dolt edge uneasily back to the sun porch door. Butchers Two and Three materialize on either side of One, and boot the Mystical Crysticals out of formation. Piper gasps as the Butchers Three advance into the commercial break.
And we're back. Piper, Raige, and the Dolt frantically barricade themselves in the parlor, but the Butchers Three easily hack through the various priceless antiques. The three race to the far end of the room as Phoebe twitches, and we...
...cut abruptly to a black-and-white kitchen. Phoebe's retreated from the basement and barricaded the door, but the Butchers Three...you know what? This doesn't end well, so I'll try to make it as painless as possible: Phoebe unmasks one of the Butchers, only to discover that Butcher Boy is herself. See what I mean about this not ending well? It's always about her. Selfish, self-centered wench. So, Phoebe Has A Moment Of Deep Personal Significance and whatnot before we...