Episode Report Card Demian: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sand Francisco Dreamin'
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.08.2003
Cut to Phoebe jiggling down the stairs and out onto the sun porch, followed closely by Butcher Boy and his buzzing chainsaw. As soon as he enters the room, Piper and Raige arrange the Mystical Crysticals at his feet, and the Crysticals flare up, as is their wont. Butcher Boy tries to hack his way through the force field, but manages merely to grind up some sparks. As The Gang Of Four retreats towards the parlor, we get a shot of Slappy and Ryder similarly ensnared. "Who's the fox?" Phoebe gasps. "I'm Piper's dream lover," Ryder replies, nonchalantly sliding his hands into his trouser pockets for God only knows what reason, but I can certainly imagine, so right now I'm as ashamed and mortified as poor Piper over there. Piper squeals that she never actually slept with the guy as the Dolt shoots Piper and Ryder a pair of jealous side-eyes. Raige prudently suggests they repair to the parlor for a processing summit. The others file out as Slappy mocks her shower preparations and promises that "the partygoers" will disappear regardless. A brief wave of misery washes across Raige's face before she sets her jaw and strides from the room, shutting the door behind her. "I got her number," Slappy confides to Ryder, but Ryder's too busy prepping himself for Piper's private love canal to care.
Ahem.
The four arrange themselves on various pieces of furniture to muddle their collective way through this latest mess. Phoebe suggests that they follow Hank's pre-mortem advice and "de-mystify" their respective antagonists by casting a sleeping spell and confronting their individual demons directly in their dreams. At this, the Dolt snorts, "Doesn't take a shrink to figure out Piper's dreams -- you wanna screw someone else!" Of course she does, Dolt. Look at yourself. "At least he makes me feel sexy, and not like I'm some walking incubator," Piper sasses back, choosing to ignore my own perfectly reasonable retort. Phoebe, of all people, cuts through the crap to remind them that time's a-wasting. She instructs Piper and Raige to fashion an appropriate spell while she retrieves a bit of sparkly CGI dream dust from the attic floor. As the Glamorous Ladies sleep, the Dolt will stand guard on the off chance that Kenny G escapes his subplot to return to the Manor. The gals break, leaving the bloated Dolt to mope alone in the parlor.
Storm-Blasted Soundstage From Sepulveda. Kenny G puffs away on a cheroot as the goatee wanders around in the background. Long story short, Kenny G believes he himself can capture the hearts of the Underworld's leaders by offing the Charmed Ones, so he sporks the goatee. I told you the goatee didn't deserve a proper nickname. Scene.