Episode Report Card Joe R: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Forget The Alamo
By Joe R | Season 6 | Episode 6 | Aired on 02.05.2007
First inside the audition room is William, who takes off his shades so he can see the judges better. It's weird, because we've seen all the promos that have shown William flipping out and screaming at the judges, so his affable and polite demeanor right now just seems sad, because we think we know how it's going to end up. William sings "Amazing Grace," and in the recaplet I compared it to a foghorn. I can't exactly come up with anything better. An off-pitch foghorn, maybe? Paula and Randy disappear into a fit of giggles almost immediately. William won't look at the judges as he's singing, which I at first took for anger, but after seeing what happens, I think it's because he didn't want to start laughing. William's singing is slooooooow gooooooing, and Randy starts to tap his watch. Once he's done, William starts laughing along with the judges -- just the biggest most wonderful smile on his face. "Hip-hop is normally what I do," he explains. "I just came out here to support my cousin -- he's comin' in next." Simon asks who's the better singer of the two of them. William says his cousin is. "Thank God you said that," says Simon, and they all start laughing again. The judges all vote no, but that they appreciate William. He appreciates them right back, and as he's exiting he says, "Now I'm gonna walk out the door and talk some trash back, but that's just for the cameras." "Absolutely," says Simon. So William opens the door, turns back to the judges, and yells, "And don't make me come back in there and tell y'all again! That's good singing!" The judges utterly lose their minds laughing; Simon is especially tickled by this good-natured poking at the ribs of the Idol machine. I am so glad that turned out the way it did. William is awesome!
Back outside, we see that William's outburst wasn't only for the cameras' benefit, it also serves to scare the crap out of Akron. He creeps into the audition room as the judges all make note of his wide-eyed terror. Paula asks if he could hear what went on with his cousin's audition, and he says he couldn't hear it, but he saw what happened once the doors opened. Akron's wearing his pants very high up on his waist, by the way. It makes him look like he's got the birthin' hips. Weird. Anyway, he sings "A Change Is Gonna Come," and while he's certainly a better singer than his cousin, Simon sees "a major charisma problem here." I'm thinking about half of that is Akron trying to follow the megawatt appeal of his cousin, but I think even without the comparison he'd still be kind of dull. Paula begins to compliment his voice, but Akron interrupts and says, "But he said he was bored. I don't want him to be bored." Then Paula -- grabbing wherewithal out of the ether or something -- tells him that instead of talking about not being boring, he should sing something else and not be boring. Nice, Paula! See what happens when the clonazepam wears off? Akron breaks off into "Let's Get It On," and whether that's what did it or not, Simon votes "yes." So does Paula, and Randy's vote doesn't even matter, because Akron is going to Hollywood. He leaps in the air and starts screaming. "That's what we want to see!" yelps Paula. Akron thanks the judges and -- one "...Other door" later -- bursts into the hallway to hug his big ball of awesome cousin. Family members stream in from off camera like they just got out of a clown car, and they all scream too. William continues to talk up his cousin ("This is talent right here!") as we trail off into commercials.
When we return, Ryan makes yet another "Remember the Alamo" joke, giving it the depressingly ham-fisted punch line that says there were some auditions they'd rather forget. Ugh. Ryan Seacrest and his voice-over could use a spa weekend, I think. The wear and tear of Audition Month have really gotten to him. So first up in this Montage O' Un-Alamo-Like Things We'd Rather Not Remember is a girl named LaRisa, who is dressed like a performance art exhibit titled "Rainbow Sherbet." Honestly, it's been sixteen whole years since neon was acceptable, so...oh my god, neon hasn't gone retro yet, has it? God help us all if it has. You think you've seen Sienna Miller looking her worst now? Anyway, LaRisa screeches a song about such-and-such being "intelligent." Then a girl named Deborah sings a scary version of "Vogue" and tells Simon that sometimes when she sings, people cry. Okay, well, that's just handing it to Simon; that's no fun.