Episode Report Card Joe R: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Forget The Alamo
By Joe R | Season 6 | Episode 6 | Aired on 02.05.2007
Ryan's voice-over attempts to convince us that what we need after that parade of awfulness is a "Texas rose," which has apparently come to us in the form of Baylie Brown. Baylie is sixteen years old and from Krum, which is a "little bitty town" in northern Texas. The Idol cameras actually take us to Krum, pop. 1,542, where Baylie's family ranch includes six horses, some lambs, and twelve steers. Baylie, we soon see, absolutely hates being a country girl. That's who she is. She's "The Girl Who's Too Big-City For Her Country Roots." She shows us her designer clothes, and she tells us she's scared of the horses, and her dad's all, "She doesn't spend a whole lot of time out in the barn, heh heh." Baylie's mom has even tried to go for the Capri-pants-and-rocker-tee look, but you know Baylie's still totally embarrassed by her anyway.
Baylie greets the judges with a "how are y'all?" which Randy finds adorable. So then this girl, who is SUCH a city girl and who so despises her country roots...this girl is going to sing a Faith Hill song. Which is actually really fitting on multiple levels. Baylie's rendition tries very hard not to sound country, but it eventually does in several spots. Her voice is okay, but nothing all that special. Randy starts asking her about the farm: Are there cows? There are cows. Are there horses? There are horses. Any bulls? Simon finally has to cut this game of See 'N' Say short and remind everyone what they're there for. They're there to validate Baylie's belief that she's far too talented to be stuck at home in her bumfuck town anymore, hello! Simon says she looks like she was "born to be a pop star," which no doubt earns him Baylie's adoration for life, because that's exactly what she's been telling herself. Simon loves the image, thinks the voice is "okay" but will improve, and sums it up by saying she's "commercial with a capital 'C.'" Paula also pushes all the right Baylie buttons, praising her fashion sense as being remarkable since she comes from a town with "more cows than people." Simon tries to needle Paula about making fun of small towns, but Baylie's face is saying, "Shut up, dude, she's totally right." Outside, armed with her golden ticket, Baylie hugs her family and prepares to never have to see or hear from their common selves ever again.
After the commercial, Ryan begins to set up the finest montage in Idol history: "These are the judging room doors..." Eeeee! You guys, if they gave "Other Door" a 1-900 number, I would totally power-dial for it every week until it got shockingly eliminated at Final Six, at which point I'd start a blog about how prejudiced the show (and America) is about inanimate objects. That's how much I love it. So first we see a bunch of people successfully negotiating the doors, emerging with or without a golden ticket. Ryan then tells us that it's not just how you come through those doors, but "whether you can make it out at all." From outside the doors, we hear the crunch-crunch-crunch of repeated auditioneers running smack into the one locked door. The screen goes sepia-toned as Seacrest's movie trailer voice intones: "One contestant. Two doors. The decision has been made." Hee hee hee. Sorry, in this regard I am beyond easy to please. "One door leads to freedom. The other, humiliation in front of the judges." Faux-Ennio Morricone music plays as these hapless wannabes line up for their date with destiny.