Episode Report Card Gustave: B- | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT 12:00 AM - 1:00 AM
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on November 5, 2001
"I know this isn't the end of the world," says Bride of Kiefer for the benefit of the millions of people out there who were just about to burst into peals of hysterical laughter over the idea of a parent freaking out over finding a joint in their daughter's bedroom, because when you get right down to it, most parents today would love it if their kids were just stoners. "Hey, look!" says a jubilant mom snooping in her daughter's room. "It's not crack!" I mean, yeah, pot smoking can lead to the use of more serious drugs…but only if you can still get off the couch and go find some. Stoners are non-destructive and generally pleasant. And they don't overachieve, so you don't have to worry about sending them to expensive private schools. Cocaine users, on the other hand, are all status-conscious and stuff. They get wired and do their homework and always want to go to some college that caters to rich kids like Sarah Lawrence or Bennington. A good state school will do just fine for a stoner. And stoners don't sneak out at night and go to parties in furniture shops; they're too unmotivated to leave the house. Now that you can get pizza and videos delivered, there's no need to worry about who your stoner kids are hanging out with, because their fat asses are stuck in the beanbag chairs in your basement so you can keep your eye on them all night. And a pot habit isn't expensive enough to encourage crime. As long as your kid has a job at a video store, they can afford a pot habit and have access to free videos. However, this is cold comfort for Mama and Papa Kiefer, who see the pot as a harmless-on-its-own symptom of other destructive behavior. Kiefer tells Bride of Kiefer to check Spawn's email. "We gave her her own password to show that we trusted her, remember?" says Bride of Kiefer, much to the amusement of parents everywhere. Kiefer tells his wife that he's sorry he can't be there to help her look for Spawn, and gets off the phone. "Everything okay?" asks Bitch of Kiefer, who's been listening to Kiefer's side of the conversation while she shuffles papers around. Kiefer puts on a good front and claims that everything's fine.Back at Bad Teen Convertibles, Rick is expounding upon how he's decided to go to San Diego State University. Then he takes his cigarette and grips it carefully between his thumb and forefinger and smokes it really hard like it's a joint with a filter tip. Spawn of Kiefer asks about the surfing at SDSU. Rick explains that surfing requires more motivation than he has.