Episode Report Card Gustave: B- | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT 12:00 AM - 1:00 AM
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on November 5, 2001
I mean, is anyone who watched last year's election still thinking that it's possible for the right man (or woman) to get elected president despite his (or her) race and family connections? Kiefer promises to look into it. Boss of Kiefer informs him that George Mason is coming by to brief Kiefer further. I guess George is an agent from some other department or something. Kiefer asks Boss of Kiefer if he "should trust George Mason." Boss of Kiefer tells Kiefer not to trust anyone. "Not even your own people," says Boss of Kiefer, as some music that sounds an awful lot like "Tubular Bells," the theme from The Exorcist, starts playing. The screen splits into three again. One screen is just Kiefer. One screen is just Boss of Kiefer, and below is a shot of an airplane in flight.Inside the airplane, a dark brooding European dude in a charcoal gray rayon shirt open to mid-chest checks out a stewardess's ass and asks her in a German accent when the flight is landing. The stewardess informs him that they'll be landing in an hour. Dark brooding European dude interlaces his fingers and moistens his lips in anticipation. The screen goes black and the time, 12:20:07, is flashed across the screen.
So then there's a commercial break. I don't get the new Honda ad where they all gather around the campfire and the guy announces that he's going to load up his standard CD player with hours of New Age music. Are they dissing New Age music? There's no reaction shot of the other guys around the campfire when he announces this, so I have no idea what the point is, and then it just ends abruptly. Shrek is the number-one selling video. Steve Carell is doing Fed Ex ads and I'm sort of glad that he's making some real money. I can't imagine that the Daily Show pays him enough. Life as a House with Kevin Kline? Oh. Dear. Cingular cell phones have text messaging so you can send naughty coded messages to your teenage friends. America Online is "number one" because it's a great place for your kids to meet pedophiles who will abduct them and make them underage porn stars.
When we return, the clock reads 12:22:54 and a split screen is shown. On the left, Spawn of Kiefer is checking out the bedding department with her new friend Rick. On the upper right, Bride of Kiefer is checking out her cuticles. On the lower right, Kiefer walks determinedly down the hall of CTU. At Senator David Palmer's campaign headquarters, Palmer's assistant picks up her cell phone. "Hey Martin, how're you doing?" she asks. "It's the photographer," she whispers to David Palmer.