Episode Report Card Gustave: B- | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT 12:00 AM - 1:00 AM
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on November 5, 2001
The screen splits, and on the other end of the line is brooding Euro dude, who tells her he's landing in one hour and confirms his plans to meet with the Senator for a photo session at 7 AM. Ohmygod! The foreign shooter is posing as a photographer in order to gain access to his target! When he hangs up, his seatmate, an attractive brunette who looks like she'd be a professional groupie for the Dave Matthews Band turns to him and goes, "You know David Palmer?" "I am going to be taking a few, uh, photographs of him," says brooding Eurotrash. "You're a photographer?" says groupie chick in a gritty voice that suggests many bong hits by the pool. "Have I ever seen one of your photographs?" Hey, it's gonna be just like Day of the Jackal when that assassin does that girl in the airplane bathroom and then kills her! Except that considering that the groupie chick is played by independent film actress Mia Kirshner and the brooding Euro guy is played by the guy who played Dracula in the season premiere of Buffy last year, it would seem there's a plot twist coming.Back at CTU, it's 12:25:57. Kiefer is doing some work of some sort. Nina-Bitch-of-Kiefer sidles up to him to ask him what's going on. Kiefer tells her that George Mason is coming by to brief him. "You? Not us?" says Bitch of Kiefer incredulously. Kiefer ignores her. "You can't shut me out," says Bitch of Kiefer as Soul Patch looks over and gives them the hairy eyeball. Kiefer gives her some more vague excuses, and she accuses him of lying. "I am lying," says Kiefer. "But you're still going to have to trust me." "One of these days you're going to ask for too much," says Nina. The phone rings. It's Bride of Kiefer. She just found three joints in Spawn of Kiefer's room. Okay, what kind of anal-retentive bitch is Spawn of Kiefer anyway? I mean, what kind of normal teenager rolls joints for later? When me and my friends had pot -- which admittedly was rare, as we were such geeks that we were totally out of the loop of all the drug dealing in our high school -- we kept it in the Ziploc baggie we bought it in, goddammit. If we were going somewhere, we'd roll an evening's worth of joints and bring them along, hidden in a pack of real cigarettes. We would never do something prissy like buy pot, roll it all into individual joints, and then leave what we don't need for the evening in our desk drawers. I mean, you'd think the daughter of a CIA agent who "loves to party" would hide her stash with just a little more sophistication.