Episode Report Card Owen: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT How To Make A Quilt Out Of Americans
By Owen | Season 2 | Episode 17 | Aired on 04.05.2000
Street. Piper's SUV idles at a traffic light. The Grumpy Young Men squeal to a stop next to the Ps. The horndogs hoot and howl at the sisters, and peel off. The Ps figure out that they were the old men who gave Phoebe directions earlier. Prue: "Cheeto's close. Let's drive."
Gas station. Inside. Cheeto gives the well-dressed old man his sales spiel. The old guy is skeptical. Cheeto drops Gail's name, and points to Young Gail. The old guy wants in. Cheeto glamours him into his youthful self, including an unfortunate unibrow. So he has some tweezing to do; at least he's young again. He struts off happily. Gail shakes her head in shame at her predicament. Cheeto notices the eyeglasses case sitting randomly on a shelf, and just as he tries to catch the Young Old Guy's attention to give him his glasses --
Whoa. Sidebar. Why are the eyeglasses there on the shelf with the Corn Nuts and Little Debbies and the Slim Jims of all places? Why is Cheeto suddenly all helpful? Why would he imagine that Young Old Guy would need his glasses anymore, if the man's youthful eyesight had just been restored? What. E. Ver.
-- Cheeto suddenly has one of Pheebs' grainy psychic visions involving the Ps holding hands and chanting while he is vanquished. He snaps out of it, and harshes on Young Gail for not "taking care of the three witches." Just then, YG spots Piper's SUV pulling into the gas station.
Outside. YG runs out, warning the Halliwells to stay away. The sisters get out of their vehicle anyway. Prue gapes at Young Gail. Cheeto telekinetically flings a crowbar at the Ps. They duck as it smashes the car's side window. Piper: "So much for him not knowing how to use our powers." Cheeto smacks YG down to the ground. Phoebe tries to save the day by using "the one power he doesn't have." Oh, please, if she means her lame-ass martial arts skills (ranked Sansabelt, I believe), then whatever. Cheeto concurs as he flings Phoebe away from him like a chewing-gum wrapper. Cameron channels Yul Brynner and declares in a deep, guttural growl: "Nobody's sending me back again!" As Prue crouches down and hides with Piper, she ponders, "What do we know about our powers that he doesn't?" Meanwhile, Gail crawls up to Phoebe. Phoebe angrily tells her to stay away. Then she pops up from her hiding place and signals to Prue. Prue: "Great. Phoebe's thinking what we're thinking." Huh? Piper concurs, because she has no idea what "we're thinking." Cheeto finally storms up to the hard Ps. Young Gail tries to explain her actions to Pheebs: "I didn't want to die. I was wrong." She gives Phoebe the page she stole from the BoS. Ah, regret and an attempt at redemption. I'm predicting sacrifice will follow, resulting in a toe-tag fitting for Young Gail. Because I've seen a television program before. Phoebe looks at the page and realizes, "The spell." But she doesn't thank YG or anything. Prue stands up from her hiding crouch, and pulls Piper up with her. She tells Cheeto that they "give up." Piper: "Excuse me?" Just then, Pheebs sneaks up behind Cheeto. Prue fake-exclaims in her deadpan delivery, "No no no Phoebe wait he'll freeze us." Cheeto whirls around and throws a freeze on Phoebe. Pheebs stands still. Cheeto turns back to the hard Ps. Phoebe kicks Cheeto in the ass, then bitch-slaps him and throws him to the ground, the whole time explaining, "Good. Witches. Don't. Freeze!" (The HELL? Wasn't M. Steadwell in the "Ms. Hellfire" ep this season a good witch, since she was on the list of thirteen to be eliminated in order to free the demon o' the week? Didn't she freeze? I seem to remember that she did, and Phoebe threw a blanket on top of her head. Whatever!) Phoebe joins the hard Ps. They all book down the street. Young Gail approaches Cheeto. He gets up and flings her through the gas station window.