Episode Report Card Owen: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT How To Make A Quilt Out Of Americans
By Owen | Season 2 | Episode 17 | Aired on 04.05.2000
Gas station. The loose ends, er, Grumpy Young Men turn old again, as does the unibrowed guy in the suit. No word on whether their souls were lost in the exchange. Oh well.
Halliwell Manor. Night. Parlor. Piper opens up a present from the lazy Ps: a brand new pair of disco construction boots. She thanks them. Phoebe admits that the hard Ps have been wondering if they "should be budgeting for more shoes or not." Piper sighs heavily and responds, "I wish I could tell you that getting my powers back made me appreciate what I lost . . . but I feel like I'm back where I started. I understand what you guys are saying and everything, but . . . I can't change the way I feel." Woo hoo! Piper passed up a Lesson of the Day! Phoebe wants to know if Piper's really "quitting." Piper: "I want to. For all the reasons we talked about. But I'll only do that if and when you guys want to also." Phoebe blurts out that she'll "always want to be a witch." Piper rolls her eyes. Prue reminds Piper that Pheebs is "young." Harumph -- that's the nice word for what Phoebe is. Piper says she has to book. Phoebe wishes her "luck" and adds, "Poor Dan." Shut up, Phoebe. Piper leaves. Phoebe asks Prue if they should worry. Prue thinks Dan will be okay. No -- get this! -- Phoebe really meant the situation created by Piper's job dissatisfaction. Prue: "Maybe. A little." Then Phoebe puts her eyeglasses on, since she's "not as concerned with [her] appearance anymore." She winks behind the frames. That was kinda cute, although I think it was spiked with a low-key LotD.
P3AD. A new establishing shot of a small seven-to-eight person crowd being ushered in the door. (Shout-out?) Pan across the writhing faceless extras to Dan and Piper sitting in the VIP alcove. Hey, Piper -- NO! Dumping him IN YOUR CLUB? That's bad news. Why create an unpleasant memory in a place you frequent daily? Anyway, the couple is facing the camera. Dan looks confused. Piper looks fretful. Piper blathers about just yesterday Dan moved in next door blah blah suddenly he was in the opening credits prattle prattle just lace up one of your disco boots already and have at it, honey. But Dan, to his credit, tells Piper that she "doesn't have to do this." OH, YES, DAN, SHE DOES. Oh wait -- he actually means that he knows he's being dumped. Piper is silent. He asks if it's "because of Leo." If Piper were really catty, she'd reply that it's that type of question that drew the steel toe of her boot to his ass. But she replies, "I will always love you, this doesn't change that. You have always been really good to me, and treated me incredibly well." Her voice breaks. "But, I need to try to make this work with Leo blah blah give it a shot yada yada. I'm so sorry." Dan thanks her for being "honest" with him. He then wonders if they'll "still be neighbors." Which makes me think that Dan is either incredibly stupid and in line to be Pheebs's new boyfriend, or incredibly vain to believe that Piper and her sisters would sell their generational family home just to avoid having to glimpse his beady-eyed, greasy-haired visage on the way from the front door to their cars. Probably both the former and the latter. Piper hopes they'll be "more than [neighbors]." Hey, Piper -- stop while you're ahead! Dan guesses that he'd "better go." Piper sits down on the divan alone, looking weepy. He's not worth it, Piper! Owen cranks up Nancy Sinatra's "These Boots Were Made For Walkin'" so loud he can hear Frank writing checks in the background and does a celebratory frug in honor of Dan's departure. End.