Episode Report Card Niki: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sex, Lies, and Bugaboos
By Niki | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.11.1999
"It's like, who are you?" Soliloquy Judy demands, shaken. "And what have you done with my boring, repressed sister?"
Lily's still revved up, striking a pin-up pose on the bed, wagging her eyebrows, and asking, "Am I shocking you?" She grins naughtily while Judy stammers out a denial. Her voice is at least two octaves higher as she insists, "Of course not! Hardly! You wanna go over there, just go!" Lily falls back onto the bed, whispering a nearly orgasmic "Yes!" Sela should really be doing those Herbal Essences commercials. Judy lamely finishes, "I'm here," while fidgeting uncomfortably. Lily holds the scarf over her head, kicks her legs into the air, and just when I think she's going to start in on the old spit-and-shine- between-the-legs stripper standby, Grace and Zoe materialize in the doorway, their eyes bulging. Lily crawls off the bed, hurriedly explaining that she has to go out for a very short time. Zoe throws herself onto the bed and snags a Victoria's Secret catalog that's lying nearby. Thumbing through it, she announces that they should "make this kind of underwear for kids [her] age." Aw, but that'd be cruelty to children, sweetheart. And so creepy that I don't want to think about it a second more. Lily starts in with a lie about having to go help Naomi with something; Grace shoots her a withering glare and declares, "Mom, I so don't care." Judy shoots her a sympathetic look, and Zoe breezily says, "Bye! See ya!" So Lily jauntily tosses the scarf around her neck and skips off to get her some.
Soliloquy Lily's in a somber mood, by contrast. With some difficulty, she confesses, "Jake's biggest complaint about me was that I never wanted to have sex."
Judging by the adult-contempo porn soundtrack that kicks up again when Rick opens the door, I don't think she's having that problem anymore. She grins widely as the camera cuts to their feet. Her purse hits the floor. And we all know where this is going.
Soliloquy Lily continues, "And I would defend myself. I would say, 'No, you're wrong. I am interested. I do want it.'" Wow, that's hot. She rolls her eyes and lets us know that "was a lie" in case we mistook her monotone for passion.
We get a quick shot of Rick peeling off the scarf.
Soliloquy Lily: "I mean, yes, he cheated, and yes, he ignored me, but...I don't know. Maybe there's just something about being married that makes you stop. Or maybe it's something about me." Or maybe it's that you were married to Jake. Who ignored you and was cheating on you. Those things just don't add up to an aphrodisiac, if you ask me. She's puzzled that she could have had no interest in Jake, when she's so hot for this guy she barely knows. It's painfully obvious that Lily hasn't dated much.