Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | 1 USERS: C YOU GRADE IT The Short And Unhappy Marriage Of Raige Matthews-Mitchell
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.22.2006
The camera lingers on Postcard Row for a bit before cutting to take in the much-abused grandfather clock, which reads 11:47 AM. Raige, the recent newlywed, distractedly paces the center parlor before goggling her eyes and puckering her overly rouged lips into blowjob position when she hears the front door creak open. She clatters into the main hall to greet Piper, who's just now returning from dropping her ever-feuding offspring at their grandfather's apartment, and who is rather surprised to find Raige lurking about the Manor now that the latter's moved in with her husband. Raige babbles endlessly about the impending ultimate battle between good and evil, or some such nonsense, before Piper finally cuts through the crap and calls her on it. "You need to talk to Henry," she states, rolling her eyes a bit and heading up the stairs. "About what? Demons?" Raige bluffs as she leaps to follow her sister. "No," Piper replies, never once breaking her stride, "about whatever it is you came here to talk to me about which you should be talking to him about." Raige makes a series of feral grunting noises as the two hit the second floor before admitting, "I can't tell him about it, because it's just going to hurt his feelings." And what, you wonder, could ever so outrage Darling Henry's delicate sensibilities? You don't want to ask that question. No, seriously, you don't, because the answer is that it "took [Raige] so long to forge an identity separate of [Piper] and Phoebe," and she's now "afraid of losing [herself] in the marriage," and BORING, and THEY'VE DONE THIS ALREADY, and I NEVER NEEDED TO SEE THIS SUBPLOT AGAIN, and CANCELLED! Piper, who by now has reached the landing just outside the nonexistent attic, plants her hands on her hips and guesses, "So, you're burying yourself in fighting demons?" Raige shrugs by way of assent. "I don't approve of the way you're handling this!" Piper sings before turning to enter the nonexistent attic.
She's stumbled across a cunning plan to track down the remaining Noxon, you see, and explains said plan as she leads Raige over to the Book of Shadows's stand. She correctly guesses that the Noxons were sent after Ma and Pa Retard by a higher-level demon. Mr. Peabody and Rocket J. Squirrel, you'll recall, were originally targeting the Dolt's special band of Nit!wits, and would therefore be unlikely to alter their modus operandi unless ordered to do so by someone with much more power than they themselves possessed. Piper also finds it extremely likely that whoever tasked the Noxons with their last mission is also after The Ultimate Retard, and so plans on tracking down the remaining Noxon and forcing him to talk. Raige is way stoked to help, so Piper sends her off to the Underworld to see what she can learn of the hunted demon's current whereabouts. "Done!" Raige nods as she spins on her heel to exit down the stairs. "Be careful!" Piper calls out after her. Piper then flings a pinch of something into the copper potions pot. The pot erupts with a badly CGI'd cloud of smoke that billows outward to engulf the entire screen.