Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | 1 USERS: C YOU GRADE IT The Short And Unhappy Marriage Of Raige Matthews-Mitchell
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.22.2006
Ancient powers, we summon thee --
We, the Power of Three --
And seek your help in finding
The demon who is in hiding.
The shot had cut over to the nonexistent attic during all of that, and we've arrived to find the three clasping hands in a circle above the simmering potions pot at the table. The spell, however, fails, and Darling Henry's forced to apologize to his sisters-in-law for being such a lame-ass mortal, or something like that. Piper grumbles about the wacky Wiccan hijinks currently in progress and demands that Phoebe summon Stoop, so he might fix the mess he created. Phoebe complies, and Stoop presently hearts into the nonexistent room bearing a box of chocolates with a poetry-laden card he claims was written by Douchey Michael. Surprise, surprise: Stoop himself actually composed the poem a few hundred years ago -- something Phoebe realizes almost immediately -- yet they still waste endless amounts of time flirting with each other until Phoebe finally drags him over to Henry's side to reverse the ring mojo that trapped Raige in her poor husband's brain. Once this has happened, the ladies send the gentlemen on their respective ways and get back to the demon at hand. As they recite once more the spell above, the shot cuts back to...
...Not!warts, where Chrissssty's still telekinetically eavesdropping on the proceedings back in the nonexistent room. As soon as the Manor Morons' voices fade out, Chrissssty snaps her eyes open and blurts, "They found him! Quick -- throw the potion while I'm still channeling them!" The Ultimate Retard complies, smashing a vial onto the faux-marble flooring. A cloud of teleportation mojo surrounds them, quickly filling the screen before dissolving into...
...a jet of steam from one of Jondar's fumaroles. The camera plows through the steam to find Pator racing into the chamber from the far entrance, darting around various obstacles in a vain attempt to escape Piper. He plants his hands on a low rock wall and swings his legs into the air to vault himself over it just as Piper flings out a freeze. Phoebe and Raige amble into the cavern immediately afterwards, trailing Piper as she casually lopes around Pator to twist a wrist in front of his face, thereby unfreezing his head. His body, entertainingly enough, remains suspended in mid-air. I love it when they pull shit like this. The Glamorous Idiots make with the threats, and Pator's about to squeal when The Ultimate Retard and Ssssecretly Evil Chrissssty crash the party. A brief Idiots-versus-Retards showdown ensues before Maggot Neck wings her purloined vanquishing vial at Pator's head. Piper intercepts it in mid-air with her Mighty Hands Of Discontent, but the resulting explosion knocks Pator out of the freeze and onto his back on the far side of the wall. "No!" The Ultimate Retard cries, leading Chrissssty to assure her telepathically, "We don't need the potion -- you can use your [poorly defined, but CANCELLED!, so whatever] power to amplify mine." With that, The Sisters Retard lock hands and close their eyes to think real hard for a second. Pator's eyes flip an incandescent white as his head burns briefly red before his entire body goes nuclear. The vanquish of the heretofore unvanquishable demon sends a shock wave hurtling through the cavern that knocks the Glamorous Idiots into the dirt. Chrissssty and The Ultimate Retard, meanwhile, take a quick moment to savor victory before vanishing in another cloud of potion-created teleportation mojo. As Piper, Phoebe, and Raige stagger to their feet, Raige bleats, "Did they just vanquish an unvanquishable demon?" "What does that mean?" Phoebe howls. "I think it means," Piper opines while brushing loose bits of dirt from her hands, "that we found the ultimate power." DUN! Not! Because the audience already knew about that! Also: CANCELLED! Also also: Commercial!