Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | 1 USERS: C YOU GRADE IT The Short And Unhappy Marriage Of Raige Matthews-Mitchell
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.22.2006
The Hagquarters. Phoebe enters to find Stoop brooding in the apartment's darkness. The scene that follows lasts a full three minutes, and while I was initially able to get through it thanks to the many, many gorgeous and dewy-eyed close-ups with which LeVar Burton so lovingly lavished Victor Webster, I simply cannot listen to the bullshit dialogue one more time, let alone transcribe it, because I DO NOT CARE ABOUT PHOEBE'S QUEST FOR TRUE LOVE AT ALL and whatever! and CANCELLED! Well, there is one bit that I suppose will become important later: When Stoop jokingly asks if the Feebs had a rough day at the office, she replies by heaving a tired sigh and noting, "Well, you know -- you let a young witch into your family and teach her everything that you know, only to be betrayed by her? Yeah, it was a rough day." Everything after that -- even though it's all surprisingly well played by the actors involved, and even though Victor Webster is so very, very pretty -- is hideously boring relationship crap. Long story short, Stoop has fallen in love with the Feebs, but he can't tell her about it because he's a dumb-ass, and the Feebs has developed sudden and unexpectedly intense feelings for Douchey Michael, The Tooliest Toolbox In The Whole Entire World, because she's an idiot. An idiot who's blind, apparently, because no sighted person would put Victor Webster and Ron Melendez next to each other, and then choose the latter. NO ONE. Is this scene over yet? It is? Good.
Closing Travelogue. We soar above the Ferry Building at night before panning and cross-fading through the city as dawn eventually breaks. Over at the Manor, The Dead-Eyed Psycho is performing an unspeakably loathsome act upon a blameless stuffed animal on the sun porch while Tiny Gay Chris has curled himself into a tiny ball in smallest corner of his playseat, hoping to avoid his elder brother's murderous attentions. Piper, meanwhile, is lost in thought at the table until Raige enters with a comforting, "Hey. It's gonna be okay, you know?" "Oh, yeah?" Piper eyebrows. "I'm not so sure," she continues, shaking her head. "It was right there in front of us the entire time, and we didn't see it. [Chrissssty], and their powers? The Triad? We just missed it, and now I hope it's not too late." Raige frowns at this and settles into a chair, wondering, "Not too late for what, exactly?" "To stop them," Piper replies with significantly dark tones coloring her voice. Raige is aghast. And twitchy. "No!" she jerkily protests. "No, Piper, you can't vanquish them -- they're not demons; they're people." Piper takes a deep, deliberate breath and exhales it with a tight "People the Triad targeted to take us out." "You don't know that for sure," Raige counters. "Don't I?" Piper snaps back. "Think about it. It makes complete sense." Raige can't deal with any of this at all right now and flaps her hands around in the air, counseling patience, as the situation might just resolve itself now that Pator's gone. Piper's silent, deadpan stare in response to this says it for me: "Yeah, Raige. Not gonna happen." Raige flutters off to meet up with Darling Henry as Piper gazes bleakly off to the side, in a close-up that's paralleled after the flaring screen delivers us to...