Episode Report Card Erin: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Bitch Is Back
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 6 | Aired on 11.01.2003
Dance, everybody, dance! And whatever you do, don't go to McDonald's. Why? Because that new commercial sucks ASS. "I'm lovin' it!" What does that even MEAN? I'm a copywriter and I can't believe someone came UP with that shit. I have no idea which person on the client side at McDonald's went, "Yeah, I hate everything except THAT concept. That one I love. I'm lovin' it! So hip. So cool. So…NOW." Gah.
Back from the break, we're naked. We'll, WE'RE not naked, but Walden Sark and Francinator are. Please. Take a moment and enjoy the sight that is David Anders's left bicep. Sigh. And his naked back. Yum. Unfortunately, the Exposition Fairy stumbles into the room just then and trips over an ottoman. Floyd Sark wants to know what happened to his girlfriend for the two years she was missing. The Exposition Fairy, snacking on the remains of the strawberries and champagne that Dieter Sark ordered up from room service, just shouts, "Will found out the truth. So Francinator offed him. Syd found out the truth. So they had a bitchin' girl fight. Then Syd shot the shit outta Francinator. Buh-bye, Francinator. Oh, hell. Just read the recap. Or, better yet, WATCH THE DAMN FLASHBACK, WILL YA?"
So, back in the past, after being shot a few times too many, Francinator passed out, and when she next came to, it was three weeks later and she was in a Covenant hospital outside Marseilles. "I've been working with them ever since," she mercifully finishes. Otis Sark's all, were you behind my extraction from the CIA? She's all, no, baby. I just found out you were working with us. Viktor Sark's all, my tenure began shortly after my father's murder. Wait, what? Wasn't his father murdered during the Lost Years? And wasn't he just extracted recently to get the Covenant his father's money? Um, what? So, was his father murdered recently and that's why he was extracted? Or is the script continuity person on vacation in Bali and unreachable for comment? I mean, WHAT?
Francinator wants to know who killed his father. Bruno Sark's all, I dunno, dude. But I intend to find out. Then he looks down at her scars and declares that Sydney Bristow should have to pay for each and every one of them. He starts kissing them. Mmmm. That's kind of wrong, but sort of in the dirty and nasty way. Francinator's all, oh, she will pay. SHE WILL PAY. Then they start making out in earnest. Sigh. If only scars and bruises really turned on the opposite sex. My boyfriends usually take one look at my out-of-control shin bruises and go, "Ew! Dude! Wear knee socks to bed, okay? God! GOD!"