Episode Report Card Erin: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Bitch Is Back
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 6 | Aired on 11.01.2003
Satan Sloane, obviously with me on this whole "don't drink from public water fountains" thing, just looks blithely at her as he untwists the cap from his own personal water bottle and takes a long drink. Dude. That is SO Rambaldi Juice in there, okay? Or else Sloane's got a dehydration problem we're all not aware of. He wipes his mouth and looks around. "I miss L.A.," he says. "I miss Emily. I miss the friendship with your father. I miss your confidence and trust. Perhaps I can get it back someday? Hm?" Oh, man. Did I miss Ron Rifkin. I mean, yeah. He's been in the last few eps, but DUDES, he is so stellar in this scene. In just this moment, he totally makes you believe that he is not an evil bastard. He misses his wife? Yeah. Totally believe that. Misses his friendship with Jack? Yeah. Bought that too. Misses fucking with Syd? You know, in the non-sexual way? Sold, bought and purchased, my friends. God, he's good.
To Jennifer Garner's credit, she delivers this next Syd speech in a way that makes me go, "Awww, yeah. Syd's BACK and she's dead ON!" Syd says, "You will never have my confidence and trust. Or my father's friendship and respect. Ever." Sloane just lopsidedly grins at her, making us all think that A) Sloane is actually immortal or something because, dude, he KNOWS something and B) he really does have an innate affection for her that he himself sees as fatherly, even though it's about as "fatherly" in the sense of "killing and eating your young."
Hockey Rink of Male Bonding. Vaughn's fully suited up in a hockey uniform and shooting pucks into Hockey-Suited Agent Sean's goal. And not in the HoYay! sense, but more in the "What in the fuck is Vaughn doing exercising when last week he was stabbed and in a fucking COMA" sense. I'm serious. Last week he could barely breathe and Killjoy was all up in Syd's kitchen about stabbing him, and now he's slipping across the ice without a hiccup? Hello? Unless this is some sort of vaunted physical therapy, then I am seriously cheesed off about this jump in logic. I mean, Vaughn's not only fully recovered, he's totally kicking Sean's ass. He's also acting incredibly aggressive and inexplicably angry. Sean finally gets to the bottom of it when Vaughn bursts out that he's had to lie to his wife for three weeks and he hates it.
Agent Sean, who apparently used to discuss problems such as this with his brother, just pipes up that he knows lots of guys who lie to their wives for much longer than three weeks. Vaughn's all, oh, nice one. You do understand why you and your brother no longer talk, right? You are batting zero for three in the whole "boosting morale with pithy sentiments" department, dude. First that damn elephant toast, then the "Somebody die?" snafu on the plane, and now this? Do us all a favor, man -- when something pops into your head, make sure you run it past your inner proofreader as well as the entire office of standards and practices before you let it slip past your lips, okay? Jesus.