Episode Report Card Erin: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Bitch Is Back
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 6 | Aired on 11.01.2003
Their business completed, Sloane goes to leave. Syd stops him and orders him to ask the Toothsome Twosome where she was for the last two years. Did I mention the Worst Spy Ever thing? Like, I know she has a burning desire to find out all about the Lost Years, but this is just unprofessional and, well, STUPID. I mean, the dialogue is funny and everything ("Sucks being a double agent, doesn't it?"), but it's really bad form on her part. Sloane performs admirably, however, and manages to wrangle out of Francinator that the reason she didn't kill Sydney in Milan was because the Covenant asked her not to. "They want to retrieve something," says Francinator. "Something in her memory." Well, there are plenty of things in my memory I'd like to retrieve too, starting with the phone number of that guy I met in London five years ago who bought me tons of drinks and seemed to be perfectly willing to be my sugar daddy. I'd settle for some invasive memory techniques right about now, lemme tell you.
Speaking of invasive memory techniques, Syd's all about them at the moment. She and her dad are in some well-lit Oops Center corridor, arguing about the invasive NSC techniques and how Syd wants the procedure done and Jack sure as hell doesn't. She's all, dude? There's a secret in my head that's so important, the Covenant has orders not to kill me, right? I need to know what dat shit IS. Dix walks up before Spy Daddy can send Syd to her room for being a bad girl. Dix tells them that as soon as Francinator's plane lands in Sofia, Vaughn and Syd will coordinate with the local authorities and track Francinator to the vault. "You wait until she retrieves the device, then apprehend her," he concludes. "I understand," says Syd.
After Jack declares that he's going to go over op-tech with Marshall and leaves, Dix walks over to Syd. "I want you to understand the rules of engagement," he says. Syd's all, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it. I totally want to kill that Francinator bitch, but she's a link into the Covenant so I can't ice her. I know. "I want her dead," says Dixon calmly. Oh, hee! Syd's all, the whuh? In the whuh whuh? "The orders from Langley are to bring her in, dead or alive," he says. "She killed my wife. She killed your best friend. So, I look at this as an opportunity. The only reason I hesitated before was that I thought she might have information for you. But now that we know there's no hope for that?" He looks at Syd with cold fury in his eyes. "I want that bitch dead." Dix walks off, leaving Syd to contemplate what he's just ordered her to do.
Oops Center. Marshall's showing Vaughn some PDA that's supposed to track the QuickPass thingy in Lange's tooth. You know, that way, they can track Francinator because, like, she'll be holding the tooth or whatever. The only problem with the PDA device is that A) it might be set off by microwave ovens and B) it's not ready yet. Vaughn starts to leave, but Marshall stops him, asking for advice. Oh. Oh, god. Here it comes. The Annoying Marshall Drum Sequence. Gah. GAH. What's the point of this scene? Marshall wants to propose to Carrie, his pregnant girlfriend. How long is it? About NINE HUNDRED DAYS. The only really funny moment comes when Marshall goes, "You got the looks, I got the brains," and Vaughn gets this hilarious look on his face that's all, wait a minute -- YOU got the brains? What in the hell do you think all these damn forehead wrinkles are hiding anyway? A CAVERN? Marshall scrambles over to his drum kit and starts to -- wait, what? WHAT? A drum kit? At Oops Center? Since when is it standard operating procedure to let employees fill their workspaces with any damn thing they want? Like, I got shit from the brass at my company for putting up dirty pictures of Ewan McGregor, right? I seriously doubt that a single CYMBAL would be allowed at the CIA, let alone a whole fucking DRUM kit. And, really? This scene is totally annoying and useless. Yeah. It's funny. In the annoying way. Marshall gets to play the drums for five minutes, and Spy Daddy can't wangle himself two seconds of screen time? That shit is wrong, people. Just wrong. What happens in this scene? I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.