Episode Report Card Erin: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Bitch Is Back
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 6 | Aired on 11.01.2003
So, whatever, The Hockey Game of Former Coma Patients and Their Best Male Buds continues as Sean tries to rationalize Vaughn's radio silence by reminding him that he was ordered not to talk to her about Lazarothberg's murder and it's not his fault. Vaughn's all, yeah, and it ain't her fault that she was ordered to look into the murder, right? I'm keeping her from doing her job. Oh, yawn. Who gives a shit? He's guilty. She's gonna find out Syd did it. Then she's gonna find out that Vaughn's been protecting Sydney all along instead of telling his wife the truth and it's going to break them up. Then Vaughn and Syd can do the nasty like we've been wanting them to ALL SEASON.
Sean's all, see? This is why people from the CIA should not marry people from the NSC. "Don't poop where you sleep," he snits. Which is, you know, true and funny but, uh, are we forgetting that Vaughn supposedly WASN'T CIA when he met Lauren? Or, like, when did he meet her? Because Syd died, Vaughn talked to her ghost in Budapest or something, THEN he was deposed by the Great Eyebrow Monster? So, like, was he still CIA? When did he become a professor? I just…I'M CONFUSED. Oh, fuck it. Vaughn knocks the puck into Sean's crotch and skates off, leaving Sean in a crumpled, ball-throbbing mess on the ice.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Strassburg, also known as "Strasbourg," Aloysius Sark is getting some intel on a guy named "Lange" from a guy who looks kind of like a scruffier Peter Facinelli. The Peter dude tells Gregor Sark that he has to perform some sort of extraction on this Lange dude. Rafaelo Sark's all, yeah, yeah, yeah, are the details in this envelope or what? Peter's all, nah. But your partner's been briefed. Sampson Sark's all, oh ho ho! I don't THINK so, my man! I work alone, got it? Peter's all, bite me, Crispian.
And yes, before you ask, I'm trying out some first names for Sark. Because I honestly don't believe we're ever going to find it out. I really don't. I think Sark's name is going to be the equivalent of Norm's imaginary wife or Karen's imaginary fat husband. So far, I'm leaning toward Gregor. Because it's really, really stupid.
Conference Room of Endless Expositions. Dix is filling us in on the latest bogus plot device. Looks like Sloane's intel informed the CIA that the Covenant is after a device that will give them access to Russia's arsenal, and that device was designed by some truly ugly dude by the name of Robert Lange. He is really and truly fugly, people. A nose like a squashed tomato, Lange has. And cheek craters you could park a Mitsubishi in. Not winning any Mr. Universe pageants in the near future, is this Lange dude.