Episode Report Card Gustave: A- | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Sliced Jalapeno
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 9 | Aired on January 21, 2002
Back at the office trailer, Kiefer calls Soul Patch to check on the status of the Kar, Kyle, and KuffedSpice. Soul Patch has nothing to report, but apologizes for being such a nosy, distrusting Soul Patch. Kiefer thanks Soul Patch for being there for Nina. Soul Patch is all, "I would totally make out with you right now if we could just ditch these women we've imprisoned!" Well, maybe not in so many words. Kiefer notices something through the Venetian blinds and gets off the phone. He calls Lauren Brockovich over, shows her some bolt cutters lying outside, and orders her to fetch them. As she's walking out the door, Kiefer runs up to her, grabs her, and lays on some Sutherland velvet. "I'll be watching you," he says, reminding her that he'll have a gun trained on her and displaying the fact that he is turning into a bit of a Gaines figure himself. Either the power of the Sutherland velvet is being sapped as the day goes on or Lauren is a lesbian because she's not hypnotized or anything. She gets the bolt kutters, comes back, and kuts Kiefer's kuffs off. Kiefer keeps trying to give her tips on how to kut his kuffs. "I know how to use bolt cutters," says Lauren sassily, giving us a peek into her lurid past…as the manager of a health club whose responsibility it was to cut padlocks off of lockers left locked overnight.
Back at Palmer headquarters, Palmer is standing in the butt-ugliest office kitchen I have ever seen on television. It's all slate-pink particle board and has one of those nasty wall racks that you buy for $14.99 at Bed, Bath & Beyond because you think that this flimsy green faux-oxidized metallic tubing construction will be a styling place for your hand soap and used SOS pads, but it just looks like ass when you get it home to your kitchen, plus the dishtowels totally fall off those hooks all the time and you just get depressed when you see it so you throw it away, but it takes forever for the trashmen to take it because each week your neighbors keep seeing it in the trash and saying to themselves, "Hey, check out those dishtowel hooks!" and fall in love with it just like you did. And then one week later, the rack gets thrown out again and then rescued by yet another neighbor until it makes the rounds of your entire building. So anyway, as Palmer is pouring himself a scotch, Poor Man's Hume Cronyn enters and lectures him about drinking scotch in the morning. Um, what the hell is scotch doing in an office kitchenette in the first place? Speaking of the Nixon era. Anyway, PMHC informs Palmer that the man who grabbed Intense Black Secret Service Guy's gun was a government agent named Kiefer who also just escaped from police custody. Palmer swears he has heard Kiefer's name before.