Episode Report Card Gustave: A- | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Sliced Jalapeno
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 9 | Aired on January 21, 2002
Back at the TerrorKompound, the KieferKonsole is down and the screens are black. Gaines is having a phlegm-tastic temper tantrum over it. Does he have a regular IT guy on call? Of course not. Who is naïve enough to think they're going to tap into the security systems of a hospital, a CIA branch, and a power plant via satellite and never have any tech problems? Feh! His phone rings. It's KuffedJalapeno on the right side of the screen, calling to tell him that Milo almost discovered Gaines's entry point to the CTU surveillance system, and that she had to cut Gaines off to prevent Milo from figuring everything out. Gaines is unmoved by Jalapeno's kwick thinking, and keeps krying out for Kiefer's inkarceration lokation. "I need him now and if that's not going to happen, I will move on," says a lovelorn Gaines. Jalapeno tries to kalm him down while Nina changes her shirt and Soul Patch watches. I'd snark on her a bit more for doing this, but seeing as how Kiefer's given us torso twice and Faux-tog has showed us his briefs, I think the heterosexual male viewers have earned some skin. Come to think of it, the last treat they got, aside from some Spawn boob, was Mandy kissing her girlfriend goodbye. Nina puts on some tight knit pants, too -- although we don't get to see that, because she does it behind a waist-high piece of office equipment -- and hits the floor to go look Gaines up on her computer. On her way to her desk, Milo, who is the new odds-on favorite for The Gladys Kravitz Award For Achievement In Soul Patching, demands to know where Nina has been, when he can start working on the real keycard, and what's the 411 on the Palmer assassination scare he just saw on television. Nina, feeling superior in her new klean klothes, tells him to forget about the keycard, and that he has Jalapeno's job now for reasons she can't go into presently. "If I'm going to run an entire department, I want a bump in pay," says Milo to Nina through the pierced aluminum wall divider. "Don't worry, Milo," says Nina, sitting down at her own faux-Eames Management Chair. "You'll be taken care of." I guess they're trying to show us that the Jalapenos and Milos of this world are used to working on an empty promise of future rewards that may never come to pass. Milo gets comfortable in his new faux-Eames Management Chair, the place where Jalapeno's tiny but shapely rear end once called home. Say hasta la vista to your Selena screensaver, KuffedSpice!