Episode Report Card Gustave: A- | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Sliced Jalapeno
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 9 | Aired on January 21, 2002
Back at the TerrorKompound, whose exterior, in the sunlight, looks like a farming village on the Cote D'Azur, Eli enters The Stable Of Sensuality. Instinctively, Bride walks in front of Spawn and assumes a protective stance. Eli tells Spawn to go into the other room. "I won't hurt you," he says, obviously referring to his small penis and his ability to come in seconds. Bride tries to fight him off, but he throws her to the side and draws a gun. He picks Spawn up, flings her over his shoulder, and they do the Hunchback of Notre Dame tussle for a few moments. Spawn breaks free and grabs a heavy piece of wood to fight him with, which is, by the way, a really unwise thing to do when your assailant has a gun. Bride taps him on the shoulder. "Hey hey hey!" she says to Eli all Pam Grier. "I won't fight you." So Spawn is all, huh? And Bride is all "c'mon!" to Eli. And then Spawn is like, whoa! So Bride leads Eli into the other room. On the way, you can barely see that she is quietly freaking out. Spawn pounds on the locked door -- another unwise thing to do when someone has a gun -- and then listens to make sure that her mom is okay, but all she can hear is the sound of zippers, clothes falling to the floor, and the creaking of the mattress. Ew! She backs far away from the door, takes a seat on this bench next to some casks that look like laundry hampers from the Hold Everything catalogue, and caresses her heavy piece of wood while she stares off into space. And no, I am not making that up about the heavy piece of wood. The time is 8:36:38 AM.
The time is 8:40:54 AM. Klockwise from the top left, Spawn kontinues to karess her big piece of wood and even sticks it between her legs (ew!), Palmer sits in his office thinking, and Jalapeno is still a silent little KuffedSpice. Back at Palmer Headquarters, Lady MacPalmer sits alone in a small dark room watching television. CaucasianPatty knocks but doesn't wait for a "come in" before she bursts in and hands Lady Mac the phone, not even giving her a chance to screen. This girl is so fired! It's Reporter Maureen, returning Lady Mac's call while she gets her hair styled. Lady Mac tells Reporter Maureen to postpone the story about Theo, and offers her exclusive information sister-to-sister about a government plot to assassinate her husband. So then they start talking conspiracy like they're Brandy and Monica comparing dressing rooms. "The man they arrested this morning works for the government and he may not have been acting alone," says Lady Mac, promising to "milk some sources" if Maureen sits on the Theo story for a couple of hours. Maureen agrees to postpone the story.