Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Hard Vs. Mean
By Jacob Clifton | Season 2 | Episode 2 | Aired on 06.21.2011
Mona: "I'm so obsessed with you I can't even think about the Noel thing, Hanna."
Hanna: "That would be terrifying if I were paying attention."
Mona: "Hanna, will you ever love me as much as I love you? I want to swallow you whole and keep you in my belly, like a furnace full of love."
Hanna: "Okay, assuming Noel Kahn's coming back before Jacob passes out from holding his breath, I want you to watch out for him. He's got a staring problem and he writes on cars sometimes."
Mona: "Your mouth is saying Watch out for Noel Kahn but my crazy is hearing This is a sign that our obsession is mutual."
Mona is once again super sweet about the sabotage thing, and Hanna forgives her finally -- the which, awesomely, Mona compares to religious providence -- because abject Mona is sort of gorgeously affecting. Besides, anybody who gets dumped by Noel Kahn at least deserves something chocolate-oriented, with like "molten" or "massacre" in the title. So they agree to have a little No Boys Allowed Club about not discussing Caleb or Noel Kahn, despite Noel Kahn being absolutely the most important thing in the universe.
SOME CLIFF
Spencer: "Man, if people could see us now they'd wonder which of us was going to push the other."
Toby: "It's true. We have much in common -- terrible relationships with our sisters, undiagnosed spectrum disorders, inappropriate sexual contact with those in our immediate family -- but most of all what we share is being pariahs. I'm used to it."
Spencer: "I don't have time for feelings."
Toby: "Look down there, through the eyes of an unfairly persecuted teen. It looks just like a normal town from up here."
Spencer: "Literally that is what it is."
Toby: "Not exactly. It's also The Crucible."
Spencer: "If this shit was The Crucible I could have gotten Ian shot by now."
Toby: "It's like a collective-mind creature from a monster movie. With a really long memory. One of those kind of creatures."
Spencer: "I don't know what that means, because I mostly read technical manuals and books about guerilla warfare. But you sure are cute."
Toby: "What should we do about all our problems?"
Spencer: "I dunno. Go to the cops?"
Toby: "Spencer, Rosewood PD has a 0% success rate not fucking us both over."
Spencer: "I keep forgetting that! Ah well, let us drown in infamy together."
Toby: "Awkwardly crouch with your hand on my upper thigh from about a foot away, so it looks from precisely one odd angle like we're cuddling even though we're barely touching."
Spencer: "Mm. Just like Aria and Ezra."