Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Hard Vs. Mean
By Jacob Clifton | Season 2 | Episode 2 | Aired on 06.21.2011
So maybe we could just assume that, regardless of whatever specific community you spend online time with, there is a one-to-one correspondence between your "ship" and whatever the other "ships" might be, and quit trying to change the universe through a skewed and hopeful fiction of democracy based on no real facts at all: For each Ezzzzria on this site's forums, for example, imagine there is an ~♥~Ezria!~♥~ somewhere else, and you're all watching the same show. You all love the same thing, just different tiny slices of it. Assume for every Chair there is a Dair, and move on from thair. (Or, if you really want to approach adult thought patterns, assume also there is a Nair, a Blairena, a Blenny, whatever.) Imagine for the sake of argument that all possibilities are valid regardless of your intense emotions, because you're being told a story and not ordering up a pizza, and you're not the one telling the story.
Which is to say yes, I loved the Aria/Ezra story in this episode, and may well go on to enjoy them more -- because there's some very bumpy, non-boring stuff coming! -- in weeks to come, but that's not a betrayal, because you never had me in the first place. Shipping is like licking the bag your lunch came in, without ever tasting what's inside, and then complaining about the taste. But in this particular case, in this particular episode, it was well-paced, well-written and well-filmed, and that's all I care about. The fact that I was emotionally engaged in those two fruitbats for a second just serves to prove the success of the scene.
And like all art, even that's obviously subjective, but I'll say this: Obsessively hating on this pairing, for example, means maybe missing out on a great scene -- even in terms of the high standard Norman Buckley sets for himself every outing -- because you were too busy critiquing it from the position of somebody who cares not at all about the artistry of television, of specific scenes and episodes, in favor of the satisfaction of a plot that only rarely can suit itself to your specific needs.
Anyway, they're dorks but at least now they are dorks out loud. The parking lot echoes with a mighty Ezzzzzzria and then puddles itself to sleep.
HASTINGS
Spencer comes home -- it's still raining in this part of Rosewood -- where bed-resting Melissa says she's been home all day. But if so, why are her cute pink wellies wet? And why is her raincoat wet, with the devil-baby ultrasound still in the pocket? Because Melissa's a goddamn liar.