Episode Report Card Gustave: B | 1 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT It's one o'clock -- do you know where your Kiefer is?
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 11.12.2001
Speaking of The Purple Van Of Teen Impertinence, they're still on their way to the "party," and I don't know about y'all, but I don't think they're really going to a party. That's my intuition. That, and the fact that Poor Man's Mena Suvari is fucked up on roofies and is choking to death in the front seat while no one except Spawn of Kiefer seems to care. Again, I can't get over the wastefulness of these kids! Doesn't anyone know anymore that you're supposed to slip your girlfriend a roofie before you have sex with her? I don't even date women and I know this. And what kind of fool wastes a perfectly good roofie on a consensual sex partner anyway? Back in my day, sex was harder to come by, so we knew the value of a roofie. And I don't give a hoot how square that sounds to the younger generation. Spawn of Kiefer decides it's time to go back on her dad-being-dead fantasy and tell the boys that her father is a government agent and if she's not home in half an episode…I mean, "half an hour"…the Kiefer'll be all over it. Frat Boy #2 is driving the van. He utters the best line of the entire episode -- "She's giving me a headache! I told you we should have given her a roofie!" -- and turns the volume of the Jane's Addiction CD up. Rick tells her to chill. "You chill!" says Spawn, chilling all the same.
At some downtown L.A. office building, Walsh (Boss of Kiefer) has a secret meeting in an empty hallway with his informant. The informant, a Corey Parker/Giovanni Ribisi nebbish type, is freaked out about the possibility of them being followed, and openly regrets narc-ing on the CIA agent who is in on the Palmer assassination. Walsh tells Deep Throat Jr. that he had no choice but to come forward, and that he did a brave thing. He also reassures Deep Throat Jr. several times that his life isn't in any danger because of this. DTJ doubts this and says he put his wife and kids on a plane the second he received this information. Walsh asks for information and is handed a key card, which he doesn't understand the significance of. DTJ explains that it's a key card that belongs to a CIA agent -- a magnetically charged ID card that lets you into authorized buildings. In addition to your authorization code, explains DTJ, you can also store other information in its memory. DTJ discovered a file on it that had all these documents on it pertaining to Senator Palmer. Someone at the CIA is smuggling classified information to the Palmer assassins from CTU's office without being detected. Walsh tells DTJ that he needs DTJ to be "available to him" throughout the entire series…I mean, "day"…so he can get more information out of him. A sweaty DTJ refuses, citing the need to go into hiding as soon as possible. "Get someone else," says DTJ. "There is no one else," says Walsh mournfully. DTJ's face softens, and the sweat magically dries from his forehead. "You've got me for another twenty-four hours," says DTJ, the actor playing him getting a high five from his agent for getting cast on all twenty-three remaining episodes of this show. But then DTJ is shot dead by a hidden sniper, and the actor playing him is reduced once again to the status of guest star. Walsh, who barely escapes the sniper fire himself, reaches for his gun and his cell phone.