The opening credits roll. And by that, I mean that there's that black screen and then the computer font lettering gradually appearing, accompanied by some blip blip blip noises until it forms the number "24" in gold.
Last week on 24, presidential candidate David Palmer is going to be assassinated and there's a scandal brewing that may threaten his presidency…and his marriage to Mrs. Cosby. Kiefer's boss tells him that there might be an element within the agency behind the attempted hit on Palmer. Spawn of Kiefer sneaks out of the house to go party with some frat boys, who turn evil on her and refuse to drive her home in their Purple Van Of Teen Impertinence. Bride of Kiefer is out with Spawn of Kiefer's friend's father, who may or may not be legit. Mandy the Terrorista steals a photographer's wallet and blows up a plane, narrowly escaping incineration by parachute.
Kiefer explains, along with the Powerpoint presentation, that the show is in real time and takes place between the hours of 1:00 AM and 2:00 AM the day of the California presidential primary.
Mandy lands in the Mojave desert and quickly gets to work gathering up her parachute. At CTU, Nina is trying to get Walsh, a.k.a. Boss of Kiefer, on the phone for Kiefer. Kiefer, learning that reaching Walsh is going to take a while, walks over to Soul Patch's desk to see how much info he's gathered on the plane crash. Soul Patch wants to check the maintenance history of the airplane, but Kiefer commands him to assume the explosion was a non-accident and keep checking the political affiliations and criminal records of each passenger. Soul Patch, who really needs to get his ass fired pronto, demands to know why he should. Kiefer points out that the downed flight originated from Germany, which is where they just learned the assassin was supposed to be coming from. "Yo, [Kiefer]," says Soul Patch, as Kiefer walks away from his desk. "Do you want to explain to me what is going on tonight?" "You mean besides a 747 falling out of the sky and an attempt on a presidential candidate's life?" asks Kiefer. Soul Patch says he wants to know why George Mason (Xander Berkeley) disappeared into Kiefer's office for over a half an hour during the last episode…I mean hour…and exited limping. Well, personally, I can't figure out why Soul Patch is hung up on limping Xander Berkeley. Shouldn't he be more freaked out by the fact that his very own boss's hair just lightened spontaneously by six shades at exactly 1:00 this morning? Heh. Seriously, Kiefer's hair is majorly blond all of sudden. And it's not even that "bleached blond" that balding male therapists dye their hair when they turn forty because they need to make a life change. Kiefer is Dresden Doll Blond. He looks like Ricky Schroder on a very special episode of Silver Spoons in which Ricky Stratton catches Progeria, that disease that makes you age really fast. You'd think that when he agreed to star, someone would have made him sign something promising not to play with his hair color during the season and ruin the real-time visual consistency of the show. And speaking of hour-to-hour visual consistencies, Soul Patch's hair is almost half an inch longer and Nina's lesbian businesswoman's 'do is crushed in the back like she slept on it. Although knowing Nina's workplace reputation, a quickie with a mail room clerk a few minutes ago could easily explain that away. The least they could have done at the end of the last episode would have been to let Nina say, "Okay, but before we investigate the plane crash, let's all go out and get split-second makeovers and meet back here at the top of the hour and pretend that nothing happened!" To be honest, I felt a little guilty this past week over what I was writing about the hairstyles of these actors. It's not fair to make fun of their hair, I realized, because they're all wearing wigs in order to make it easier to establish visual consistency from week to week. That's why their hair looks like ass. week, they'll have the same ass hairstyles and it will be cool because it's the same ass hair they had an "hour" ago. Well, after viewing tonight's ep, it has become clear that the hair looked like ass for no apparent good reason last week -- or this week -- so I am guilt-free.
But I digress. The whole office staff -- apparently a bunch of extras showed up at 1:00 AM as well -- looks up from their work to catch a listen to the power struggle. Jalapeno Spice, whose peroxide highlighted pigtails from last week are gone, looks up from her computer screen as if to say, "Oh no you di-i-n't!" -- and if she did say it out loud, she certainly would have accompanied it with the pointing of a super-long gold-tipped nail, a repetitive side-to-side head movement a la Miss Cleo, and the cracking of more gum. So not only does Soul Patch have the gall to question his superior -- the CIA is practically a branch of the military -- but he's also doing it in full view of the entire office. Real time or no real time, this guy would not still have a job at this point. Nina saves the day by inventing a story about Xander being close friends with the agents that were ruined by Kiefer's agent bust last month. She tells the office that Xander accused Kiefer, and certain co-workers of Kiefer's, of some nasty things, and Kiefer got mad and fists flew. "In case you all haven't noticed," says Nina for the benefit of the eavesdropping office, "[Kiefer] doesn't have a lot of tolerance for criticism." Soul Patch, by way of apology, decides to do his job and go look up the passenger list for Kiefer. Kiefer gives Nina a covert high five for saving his ass.
Terrorista Mandy is hot. She's on fire. No, I'm being literal. Mandy has made a big fire in the middle of the desert, and she's sitting beside it and staring at it like it's the CNN ticker. Maybe she's doing some martial arts meditation or some witchcraft. Maybe she's stewing over the fact that she just made a couple hundred people go up in flames. Who knows? She hears a vehicle approaching, so she takes Eurotrash's press pass, puts it in a custom fitted high-tech case that seems to have a tracking device on it, buries it in the sand, and, uh, puts on her clothes. But don't worry, she won't have them on for much longer. A jeep pulls up. "Did you get the ID?" says her compadre coldly. Hey, what the hell? No "Good job, Terrorista Mandy!"? How are the people in this terrorist group gonna do their jobs effectively with so little positive reinforcement? This girl just serviced an egotistical Eurotrash photographer in order to get his press pass and blew up a plane. Give her some props! The jeep takes off, and a chick on a motorcycle drives up quietly and, using a homing device, locates the ID in the sand.
Back at CTU, Soul Patch, who by some huge miracle isn't cleaning out his desk, stirs the pot a little more. He goes over to Nina's desk and accuses her of making up the Xander story to save Jack's ass. "Maybe I should ask Mason what really happened," says Soul Patch. "A presidential candidate's life is at stake," says Nina, getting back some of the respect among her co-workers that she lost the day she slept with every single man in the office. "Maybe you should get back to work." Soul Patch does just that, but that's not the last we've heard about Kiefer and Mason from Soul Patch.
At 1:07:33 AM, Bride of Kiefer and Mr. York find Bad Teen Convertibles, the furniture store where Spawn of Kiefer, Poor Man's Mena Suvari, and the two evil frat boys met for their double date earlier that evening. Mr. York approaches the front door and goes inside. Apparently, they left it unlocked. Bride of Kiefer follows York inside, and they both call out their kids' names. Her cell rings. It's Kiefer wanting an update. BOK explains that they just got there and they'll call him if they find anything. Kiefer wants to remain on hold in case she needs anything. BOK brushes his offer aside and hangs up on him. She passes a table that has empty beer bottles and drug paraphernalia on it. Can I just interrupt here and ask what kind of teenagers are we bringing up as a nation that they buy drug paraphernalia, party with it, and leave it at the party? Don't these teenagers have any respect for their own possessions or know the value of a dollar earned from a part-time minimum-wage job? Don't these spoiled kids realize that there are people in the Middle East right now risking their lives so that we might enjoy cherished freedoms like the right to purchase mini-bongs at a head shop and use them in the privacy of our own parents' homes? And furthermore, how disrespectful is it to trash a place where you can party unsupervised? If I had access to an entire furniture store where me and my friends could drink beer, have sex in beds, smoke pot, and park my Purple Van Of Teen Impertinence for free, I'd make sure the place was in its original condition by the time I left. Hell, I'd have the carpets steamed every week. It's not that I'm a neat freak or anything. It's just that all it takes is one bong-water spill on a showroom sofa or an abandoned empty atop an entertainment center and before you know it, the owners have installed motion detector alarms or, even worse, video cameras. And when that happens, you can say adios to your perfect party spot. Dude, if the kids keep acting all stupid like this, the terrorists have already won, okay? But I digress. York comes downstairs with proof that Poor Man's Mena Suvari and Spawn of Kiefer were here: an empty condom wrapper. What did he do up there? Run a DNA test on the fluids? How the hell would he know it was their kids? And why the long faces? Couldn't they at least rejoice in the knowledge that their kids were using condoms?
Speaking of The Purple Van Of Teen Impertinence, they're still on their way to the "party," and I don't know about y'all, but I don't think they're really going to a party. That's my intuition. That, and the fact that Poor Man's Mena Suvari is fucked up on roofies and is choking to death in the front seat while no one except Spawn of Kiefer seems to care. Again, I can't get over the wastefulness of these kids! Doesn't anyone know anymore that you're supposed to slip your girlfriend a roofie before you have sex with her? I don't even date women and I know this. And what kind of fool wastes a perfectly good roofie on a consensual sex partner anyway? Back in my day, sex was harder to come by, so we knew the value of a roofie. And I don't give a hoot how square that sounds to the younger generation. Spawn of Kiefer decides it's time to go back on her dad-being-dead fantasy and tell the boys that her father is a government agent and if she's not home in half an episode…I mean, "half an hour"…the Kiefer'll be all over it. Frat Boy #2 is driving the van. He utters the best line of the entire episode -- "She's giving me a headache! I told you we should have given her a roofie!" -- and turns the volume of the Jane's Addiction CD up. Rick tells her to chill. "You chill!" says Spawn, chilling all the same.
At some downtown L.A. office building, Walsh (Boss of Kiefer) has a secret meeting in an empty hallway with his informant. The informant, a Corey Parker/Giovanni Ribisi nebbish type, is freaked out about the possibility of them being followed, and openly regrets narc-ing on the CIA agent who is in on the Palmer assassination. Walsh tells Deep Throat Jr. that he had no choice but to come forward, and that he did a brave thing. He also reassures Deep Throat Jr. several times that his life isn't in any danger because of this. DTJ doubts this and says he put his wife and kids on a plane the second he received this information. Walsh asks for information and is handed a key card, which he doesn't understand the significance of. DTJ explains that it's a key card that belongs to a CIA agent -- a magnetically charged ID card that lets you into authorized buildings. In addition to your authorization code, explains DTJ, you can also store other information in its memory. DTJ discovered a file on it that had all these documents on it pertaining to Senator Palmer. Someone at the CIA is smuggling classified information to the Palmer assassins from CTU's office without being detected. Walsh tells DTJ that he needs DTJ to be "available to him" throughout the entire series…I mean, "day"…so he can get more information out of him. A sweaty DTJ refuses, citing the need to go into hiding as soon as possible. "Get someone else," says DTJ. "There is no one else," says Walsh mournfully. DTJ's face softens, and the sweat magically dries from his forehead. "You've got me for another twenty-four hours," says DTJ, the actor playing him getting a high five from his agent for getting cast on all twenty-three remaining episodes of this show. But then DTJ is shot dead by a hidden sniper, and the actor playing him is reduced once again to the status of guest star. Walsh, who barely escapes the sniper fire himself, reaches for his gun and his cell phone.
Back at CTU, Kiefer is on the phone with someone we can't see from Palmer's security team. He warns them about the assassination attempt. From Kiefer's end of the conversation, it sounds like they're either not taking him seriously or they can't even conceive of a way to make Palmer any safer than he already is. I can imagine the guy on the other end of the line being like, "Yo, bitch! We're the ones guarding a black presidential candidate. Who the hell would know the meaning of the word 'vigilant' better than us? I certainly wouldn't have left that skinny bitch Julia run off to Ireland with my best friend on our wedding day. Don't you know you ain't never supposed to let your woman hold on to her own passport before you marry her?" Kiefer promises to brief the Palmer security team "in an hour" so that they don't have to pay the actors playing them until the episode starts being shot. Kiefer's cell rings. "Teri?" he cries expectantly. You see, Teri is Bride of Kiefer's real name, and he's expecting to hear that she found Spawn at the furniture store. Nope -- it's Walsh, trying to foil the snipers and get the hard information to a safe place. Everyone needs a piece of Kiefer tonight. Kiefer begs Walsh to get some other agent to pick him up, but only the Kiefer will do for Walsh. "I'll be on the roof," says Walsh as a shot is heard on Walsh's end and the connection is broken. The time is 1:12:58 AM.
At 01:17:48, the screen splits into three to show us (clockwise from top left) Mr. York looking confused to a potted plant, the exterior of Bad Teen Convertibles, and Kiefer's eyes reflected in a rearview mirror. Bride of Kiefer is going through the records of the furniture store when her phone rings. It's Kiefer in the Kiefmobile. Bride of Kiefer tells Kiefer that Spawn is nowhere to be found, and deduces that they left with the boys. Kiefer asks her if Mr. York knows the boys. Bride replies that he doesn't, but one of them works at the store. "Can't you get over here?" asks Bride. Kiefer says he can't: "Some bad things are happening tonight." Bride makes a passive-aggressive crack about their daughter being missing not being considered a "bad thing" by Kiefer. Kiefer tries to calm Bride of Kiefer down by telling her that Spawn is just "partying" and knows her limits. "Maybe you should come over here and see those limits for yourself," says Bride hysterically. Um, Bride? She used a condom. And it was her friend who used it anyway. Chill. Bride tells Kiefer that she and York will wait there for the girls to come back to their car, and that Kiefer should call her as soon as he's finished with his "emergency." Kiefer apologizes for not being there and proceeds to drive really really fast.
And speaking of auto accidents waiting to happen, Rick is in The Purple Van Of Teen Impertinence, trying to convince Spawn of Kiefer that he and his buddy aren't such bad guys. "There's just some stuff we gotta do," he says. "Just go along with it and no one gets hurt." Spawn of Kiefer asks if this is just a fraternity stunt. "Yeah," says Rick. "Something like that." Spawn is all "whatever" and starts to relax until she hears Poor Man's Mena choking in the front seat from the roofies. Evil Frat Boy #2 doesn't care, but Rick gallantly goes up front and rolls down Poor Man's Mena's window so she can choke with her head hanging out of the window. I guess that means Rick is playing "good cop." "Don't be a bitch," warns Evil Frat Boy #2.
At 1:20:24 AM, Palmer is watching the plane crash on the news. It took them only twenty-five minutes to put together a news broadcast on this plane crash? Whatever. He walks over to his assistant's desk, leans in a little too familiarly, and asks if someone named Carl has called yet. Assistant answers in the negative, so Palmer tells her to fetch him when he does. He walks over to his wife, who is obviously doing some other Martha Stewart-y activity like canning her own organic quince jam, and asks her where the kids are. Mrs. Cosby informs Palmer that the kids stopped to get pizza on the "way home from the rally." They discuss how awful the plane crash is, and Palmer attempts to smooth-talk Mrs. Cosby into not making a big deal out of the phone call from the reporter. He explains his angry reaction to the phone call as being simply from stress over the "second most important day of [his] life." "And what was the most important day of your life?" asks Mrs. Cosby coyly. "When I hit that game-winning three against DePauw." Aw! They have a pillow fight.
At 01:22:17, TerroristJeepDriver and MandyTerrorista arrive at the TerrorShack (tm NWwingster). No, these are real terrorists and they've got a Terrorism design scheme happening. No cream-colored diaphanous curtains over glass walls for these guys. It's all rustic: painted Adirondack furniture, candles, a wood fireplace. You know, terrorist real-ness. Mandy enters and is greeted by TerroristGuy, who gives her a briefcase full of money (what? This terrorist cell has no direct deposit? Bet you there's a crappy HMO for a health plan too) and asks her what she's doing this summer. Mandy turns down his request for another act of terrorism before he even asks. "I'm going to disappear for a while…lay low," says Mandy, checking the money in the briefcase. TerroristGuy asks her when he'll get the ID. "Soon," promises Mandy, leaving the room to take off some more clothing.
Kiefer arrives at the office building that Walsh is trapped inside. He calls Nina from his cell and has her look up the building access code so he can enter from the back. Nina arouses just a little more suspicion by wanting to know where Kiefer is and being just a little bit too concerned that Kiefer didn't brief her on where he was going. Nina, you can't pin the Kiefer down, okay? Nina finds the building access code really fast and Kiefer punches it in, gains entry, and hangs up on Nina. Why don't I have an office like that at my disposal? Over at Nina's desk, the camera pulls back to reveal Soul Patch patching into their call and having a computer transcript made of their conversation. Soul Patch, for the love of God, get back to work. If you wanna be a mole, do it on your own time. Then he looks even more unprofessional by drinking coffee and staring at Nina really hard. The time is 01:24:57.
At 01:29:12, the screen splits into four. We see (clockwise from the upper left) Mr. York looking helpless near a potted plant again, Kiefer running up the stairs on his way to rescue Walsh, Soul Patch sitting at his desk and being up to no good, and Nina fretting at her desk about something. We focus on Kiefer running up the stairs with his gun pointed. Out of breath, he keeps running up the stairs until he reaches the roof and tries to find Walsh, who sneaks up behind him with his gun drawn, letting us suspect just a little bit that Walsh is about turn on Kiefer. But instead of shooting Kiefer, Walsh calls his name. Kiefer turns around and asks where the snipers are. Walsh suspects there are two, maybe three. They enter the stairwell, the only way out, with their guns drawn.
In a dimly lit bathroom inside the TerrorShack, Mandy splashes cold water on her face, because all of this hijacking and espionage has enlarged her pores. Oh, and she's naked again except for a pair of tights. TerroristGuy enters the bathroom and flips on the overhead light. They approach each other as if they're going to do it right then and there, but instead, Mandy just touches TerroristGuy's face, marveling at how much the plastic surgery made him look like Martin, the dead Eurotrash photographer. And now that the light in the TerrorShackToilet is on, it is apparent that he's got Martin's face, although with the hair still being blond, I hadn't noticed. Also, to give TerroristGuy that fresh "just scalpeled" look, the 24 makeup people seem to have smeared TerroristGuy's face with lots of Kiehl's Soothing Gel Masque -- or, who knows, maybe they put a layer of clear nail polish over it. "So you're gonna kill David Palmer, huh?" says Mandy expositorially.
Okay, within this agency office, in addition to all the other au courant design features at CTU, there's a row of computer stations with ten-foot-high monitors on a sleek aluminum-railed scaffold. It's like an exhibit hall of a science museum designed by Michael Graves. At 01:31:19 AM, Nina is going up to each computer station and pointing to some part of the monitor with a pen and otherwise doing whatever ever it is she does when she's not sleeping with someone in the office, shuffling papers around, or saving Kiefer's ass. Stalker McSoul Patch follows her around, wanting to know where Kiefer is and trapping her in a lie about who she was talking on the phone to earlier when Kiefer called and Soul Patch was listening in. Nina sees where this is going and whirls around to face Soul Patch. "This is a military organization and there's a chain of command," says Nina, about as sternly as she can while still keeping a straight face. "I am your superior. I tell you what I want, when I want. Got it?" Soul Patch is all, "You can boss me around all you want here, but when you and me punch out, we're something else, okay?" Nina lowers her eyes to check out Soul Patch's package real fast and then goes, "Okay, Tony." Soul Patch exits, and Nina goes back to her, uh, job. I bet she's a great office Secret Santa.
Kiefer and Boss of Kiefer go down the white industrial stairwell, with Kiefer leading the way all Jodie Foster training for the FBI in Silence of the Lambs and covering all his angles with his gun, which is making the trip down the stairs take forever. Like, just get the fuck out of there, I'm having an anxiety attack. Not only am I getting scared, but I feel cheap that a Fox show has me in its sweaty Drakkar Noir-scented palm. And I don't want Walsh to die just yet, because I want to see Walsh and Kiefer make out with each other. Stop looking at me like that; you know you want it too. They stop on a landing, and Kiefer asks Walsh to take off his tie. No, it's not what I'd hoped. He wants to tourniquet his boss's bleeding arm. They hear a noise downstairs, so of course this is the best time for Walsh and Kiefer to have a philosophical conversation about whether or not it was Walsh's fault that Deep Throat Junior was killed. Kiefer reassures Walsh that it was probably Deep Throat Junior who was followed to their secret meeting, not Walsh. More exposition of backstory about how Kiefer owes Walsh his life, for some reason they don't go into. They decide to exit through a lower level and get onto the street where Kiefer is parked. Uh oh. They have to go through an empty office. Lots of nooks, crannies and office furniture for an array of snipers to hide behind. What was this secure conversation like between Walsh and Deep Throat Jr.? "I want to risk my life in a big way and turn over this information to you. Can you think of a good place to meet?" "Sure, how about a place with a lot of nooks and crannies for snipers to hide? Can you think of a building with a big empty office?" "Oh wait, I know a place! It's a bankrupt law office that's got all these cardboard hanging files to duck behind!" Kiefer and Walsh move through the room, but see a couple of snipers in their path. Everyone plays cat-and-mouse with each other while Henry Mancini-esque suspenseful percussion music plays. Gunfight. Lots of glass panels shattered by bullets. They shoot a sniper. Kiefer goes over to a body to ID him. He whips out his Swiss Army knife and cuts off the dead sniper's thumb, presumably to submit to a lab for DNA testing or fingerprinting. That's cold! And then all this "voodoo" music that's reminiscent of the Angel Heart soundtrack plays with chanting and bongos. 'Cause Kiefer just went over to the dark side? Who knows?
At 01:36:59, Motorcycle Chick pulls up to the TerrorShack. She enters and takes off her helmet. Unfortunately they edit this sequence so that we don't see the helmet actually coming off and the silken threads of her hair cascading down her shoulders like a Flex commercial. She just all of a sudden has her helmet off and her hair is perfectly in place. She stomps in and hands TerroristGuy a Polaroid of the ID. Mandy, who has put on a top, albeit a skimpy one, is astonished. Motorcycle Chick is the only one who knows where the ID is. Therefore, she holds the power. TerrorGuy tries to get her to reveal where it is by putting a gun to her head, but MotorcycleChick is all, "Go ahead." They can't kill her because she knows where the ID is hidden. The ID is very important. And it is 01:38:39 AM.
At 01:42:46 AM, clockwise from the upper left, SOK and Rick are hanging in the van, David Palmer is sitting at a desk, Mr. York is sauntering around the furniture store, and Bride of Kiefer is going through the papers for Bad Teen Convertibles. As Mr. York wanders around some more, Mrs. Kiefer finds some files that indicate what Frat Boy #2's work schedule was. When BOK whips out her phone to call Kiefer, Mr. York wants to know how her husband can help. BOK, replies that her husband is a government worker and therefore has access to stuff. But alas, the Kiefer's cell phone is off so his government-sponsored powers cannot be harnessed. She calls Kiefer's office, and Nina answers. Upon hearing that Kiefer is not in the office, she asks Nina to find the number of the owners of the furniture store on that super-duper computer network that everyone seems to find stuff on. Nina reluctantly agrees to call her back when she finds something.
At 01:44:04, Palmer's kids, a boy and girl in their late teens or early twenties, arrive at Palmer headquarters from the aforementioned rally. I guess it was a youth rally, because Theo Huxtable mentions Green Day performing. While Theo goes on and on about how great the rally was, Palmer goes into another room alone and calls someone about "taking care" of something that can't wait until morning.
Back at Bad Teen Convertibles, Mr. York and Bride of Kiefer clean up the mess from the "party" and discuss what the problem is with kids today. This leads to Bride of Kiefer letting Mr. York know about Kiefer and BOK's separation. This gets Mr. York's attention, but BOK puts the kibosh on any such thoughts by mentioning really quickly that she's back with Kiefer now and giving it another chance. Mr. York finds this admirable as his ex-wife, Poor Man's Mena Suvari's mother, left for her native Australia ten years ago and never looked back. BOK's cell rings again. It's Nina with the furniture store people's info. BOK calls the owner and leaves him a message asking him to call her at his store.
Back at Palmer's headquarters, Theo Huxtable is still drooling over getting to meet Green Day. The Secret Service detail knocks at the door. They have something important to discuss with Palmer. Mrs. Cosby goes to get him, but he's not in his room and Patty doesn't know where he is either. Upon hearing that Palmer is "exposed," the Secret Service gears up and starts trying to trace his car. Mrs. Cosby asks what's going on. The Secret Service explains about the assassination attempt.
Meanwhile, Palmer is in the hotel parking garage. Not a good sign. Scary things are always happening in parking garages. There are all those pillars and cars for snipers and rapists to hide behind. Every time a scene takes place in a parking garage, it's never a good thing. Where did Glenn Close pour acid on Michael Douglas's car? A parking garage! Where was Dr. Melfi onThe Sopranos raped? A parking garage! I could go on and on. Fortunately, nothing bad happens. Palmer gets into his SUV and drives away. The time is 01:48:52 AM.
At 01:53:09 AM, the screen splits into four panels revealing (clockwise from upper left) David Palmer in the renegade SUV, Kiefer and Walsh waiting for a garage door to open, Mr. York and Bride of Kiefer having a moment, and The Purple Van Of Teen Impertinence zooming along on its merry way. The garage door opens for Walsh and Kiefer, so they run out. Just as they're about to break free, Walsh is shot. Walsh dies before Kiefer can get him to his car, but not without handing Kiefer the key card and explaining its significance. He tells Kiefer to give the card to Jalapeno, because Deep Throat Jr. says she can be trusted. "Find the owner of the key card," says Walsh with his dying breath. "And you'll find the dirty agent." Kiefer trades gunfire with the snipers some more and then drives away in the Kiefmobile…really really fast. Once far from the crime scene, he calls Jalapeno Spice from the Kiefmobile Kar Phone and tells her to call someone to go back and pick up the bodies of Walsh and the Snipers. Jalapeno Spice is about as concerned as your average secretary whose typing pool buddy just called in sick. But Kiefer has more to discuss. He tells her to get ready to identify a key card for him when he gets back to the office. Jalapeno, whose hair has gone full-on Valerie Bertinelli circa 1983, informs Kiefer that she can do that over the phone. Apparently Kiefer has a scanner in his car that enables her get the info from him over the cell line. Was that necessary? Do these agents really have key card scanners in their cars? What the hell for? Well, other than the obvious answer: there's only a couple of minutes left in the episode and Kiefer can't drive back to CTU in real time in order to find out who the rogue agent is.
The Purple Van Of Teen Impertinence is parked somewhere that looks quite industrial and barren. The evil frat boys get out and tell Spawn of Kiefer to come with them. SOK refuses, so Evil Frat Boy #2 goes into the van and throws her out to the pavement. When she gets to her feet, she finds a tiny scrape on her elbow and starts massaging it. "Time to call mommy," says Evil Frat Boy #2. At first, Spawn refuses to call her mother and tell her that she's at a party and she's okay, so Evil Frat Boy #2 lunges at her. "Gaines said not to hurt her," says Rick, protecting SOK from EFB2's advance. EFB2 pulls it together and resorts to Plan B, which consists of pounding the shit out of Poor Man's Mena Suvari's arm with a crowbar, which, if we're to believe the writers of 24 and PMMS's screams, can still be painful even if you're on roofies. SOK relents and places the call. At the furniture store, BOK answers, and Spawn tells her they're at a party. BOK offers to pick her up, but quick-thinking Spawn tells her that she doesn't even know where they are. "Mom, I love you," says Spawn. EFB2 grabs the phone away from her and hangs up. At the furniture store, Mr. York and BOK seem to believe the story. BOK is even touched at the "Mom, I love you." "She never says that," says BOK.
Back in Kiefer's Krimefightingmobile, Kiefer has Jalapeno Spice send the owner of the card's name to Kiefer in such a way as to insure that no one, not even Jalapeno, knows the name. It turns out to be Nina's card. No you di-i-n't, Nina! The screen splits into five, showing (clockwise from upper left) Jamey and Nina looking suspiciously at each other, Poor Man's Mena Suvari trapped in a K-hole, Palmer driving in his SUV, Mr. York and BOK leaving the furniture store, and Kiefer driving the Kiefermobile some more. Oh, and then the guy cut to look like Martin Eurotrash is shown getting in some target practice by shooting at eggs positioned on a chain-link fence. The time is 01:59:58…01:59:59…02:00:00.