Episode Report Card Gustave: B | 1 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT It's one o'clock -- do you know where your Kiefer is?
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 11.12.2001
The Purple Van Of Teen Impertinence is parked somewhere that looks quite industrial and barren. The evil frat boys get out and tell Spawn of Kiefer to come with them. SOK refuses, so Evil Frat Boy #2 goes into the van and throws her out to the pavement. When she gets to her feet, she finds a tiny scrape on her elbow and starts massaging it. "Time to call mommy," says Evil Frat Boy #2. At first, Spawn refuses to call her mother and tell her that she's at a party and she's okay, so Evil Frat Boy #2 lunges at her. "Gaines said not to hurt her," says Rick, protecting SOK from EFB2's advance. EFB2 pulls it together and resorts to Plan B, which consists of pounding the shit out of Poor Man's Mena Suvari's arm with a crowbar, which, if we're to believe the writers of 24 and PMMS's screams, can still be painful even if you're on roofies. SOK relents and places the call. At the furniture store, BOK answers, and Spawn tells her they're at a party. BOK offers to pick her up, but quick-thinking Spawn tells her that she doesn't even know where they are. "Mom, I love you," says Spawn. EFB2 grabs the phone away from her and hangs up. At the furniture store, Mr. York and BOK seem to believe the story. BOK is even touched at the "Mom, I love you." "She never says that," says BOK.
Back in Kiefer's Krimefightingmobile, Kiefer has Jalapeno Spice send the owner of the card's name to Kiefer in such a way as to insure that no one, not even Jalapeno, knows the name. It turns out to be Nina's card. No you di-i-n't, Nina! The screen splits into five, showing (clockwise from upper left) Jamey and Nina looking suspiciously at each other, Poor Man's Mena Suvari trapped in a K-hole, Palmer driving in his SUV, Mr. York and BOK leaving the furniture store, and Kiefer driving the Kiefermobile some more. Oh, and then the guy cut to look like Martin Eurotrash is shown getting in some target practice by shooting at eggs positioned on a chain-link fence. The time is 01:59:58…01:59:59…02:00:00.