Episode Report Card Gustave: B | 1 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT It's one o'clock -- do you know where your Kiefer is?
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 11.12.2001
Okay, within this agency office, in addition to all the other au courant design features at CTU, there's a row of computer stations with ten-foot-high monitors on a sleek aluminum-railed scaffold. It's like an exhibit hall of a science museum designed by Michael Graves. At 01:31:19 AM, Nina is going up to each computer station and pointing to some part of the monitor with a pen and otherwise doing whatever ever it is she does when she's not sleeping with someone in the office, shuffling papers around, or saving Kiefer's ass. Stalker McSoul Patch follows her around, wanting to know where Kiefer is and trapping her in a lie about who she was talking on the phone to earlier when Kiefer called and Soul Patch was listening in. Nina sees where this is going and whirls around to face Soul Patch. "This is a military organization and there's a chain of command," says Nina, about as sternly as she can while still keeping a straight face. "I am your superior. I tell you what I want, when I want. Got it?" Soul Patch is all, "You can boss me around all you want here, but when you and me punch out, we're something else, okay?" Nina lowers her eyes to check out Soul Patch's package real fast and then goes, "Okay, Tony." Soul Patch exits, and Nina goes back to her, uh, job. I bet she's a great office Secret Santa.
Kiefer and Boss of Kiefer go down the white industrial stairwell, with Kiefer leading the way all Jodie Foster training for the FBI in Silence of the Lambs and covering all his angles with his gun, which is making the trip down the stairs take forever. Like, just get the fuck out of there, I'm having an anxiety attack. Not only am I getting scared, but I feel cheap that a Fox show has me in its sweaty Drakkar Noir-scented palm. And I don't want Walsh to die just yet, because I want to see Walsh and Kiefer make out with each other. Stop looking at me like that; you know you want it too. They stop on a landing, and Kiefer asks Walsh to take off his tie. No, it's not what I'd hoped. He wants to tourniquet his boss's bleeding arm. They hear a noise downstairs, so of course this is the best time for Walsh and Kiefer to have a philosophical conversation about whether or not it was Walsh's fault that Deep Throat Junior was killed. Kiefer reassures Walsh that it was probably Deep Throat Junior who was followed to their secret meeting, not Walsh. More exposition of backstory about how Kiefer owes Walsh his life, for some reason they don't go into. They decide to exit through a lower level and get onto the street where Kiefer is parked. Uh oh. They have to go through an empty office. Lots of nooks, crannies and office furniture for an array of snipers to hide behind. What was this secure conversation like between Walsh and Deep Throat Jr.? "I want to risk my life in a big way and turn over this information to you. Can you think of a good place to meet?" "Sure, how about a place with a lot of nooks and crannies for snipers to hide? Can you think of a building with a big empty office?" "Oh wait, I know a place! It's a bankrupt law office that's got all these cardboard hanging files to duck behind!" Kiefer and Walsh move through the room, but see a couple of snipers in their path. Everyone plays cat-and-mouse with each other while Henry Mancini-esque suspenseful percussion music plays. Gunfight. Lots of glass panels shattered by bullets. They shoot a sniper. Kiefer goes over to a body to ID him. He whips out his Swiss Army knife and cuts off the dead sniper's thumb, presumably to submit to a lab for DNA testing or fingerprinting. That's cold! And then all this "voodoo" music that's reminiscent of the Angel Heart soundtrack plays with chanting and bongos. 'Cause Kiefer just went over to the dark side? Who knows?