Episode Report Card Gustave: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT That blows
By Gustave | Season 3 | Episode 3 | Aired on 11.10.2003
The time is 03:35:07 PM. Kyle is getting off of a bus and having a cell conversation with his girlfriend PoorMan'sJennieGarth. "I'm in trouble," he tells her. "Uh, yeah!" says Jenny. "'Cause you're dealing drugs!" Is this another episode of The Enforcer? You know, that tough-on-drugs mom with dreads that they're featuring in all of these anti-drug ads? I totally thought that I was watching the promo for a series on Lifetime, but one day I realized that The Enforcer isn't even a series. It's just a series of drug commercials. Well, actually, one drug commercial. I felt stupid and ashamed. Like Madison Avenue had caught me sleeping one day. It made me want to smoke a lot of marijuana. I mean, I seriously thought it was a series. I was like, "What is this show's premise? Is her son just going to be offered marijuana every week, and every week she grounds him and takes away his Playstation?" Kyle begs Jenny to lend him twenty grand so he can pay off the drug dealers that undoubtedly are going to want to cap his ass once they realize that all their expensive nose candy has gone down the toilet. Jenny could not be more shrill and upset. She's like a right-wing wet dream of our nation's youth. Nevertheless, she agrees to meet him at "the mall." The camera pans to a cordovan Ford sedan. A Latino man inside the car, who kind of looks like a Spanish version of Ed Marinaro, is talking on his cell phone to Crystal Gael. Crystal Gael tells this guy, whose name is Gomez, that CTU has figured out that the V-I-R-U-S wasn't in the powder, and orders Gomez to take Kyle "into containment" so that CTU doesn't get him first. Meanwhile, Kyle isn't attracting attention to himself at all, running down a quiet sunny city street on his way to "the mall." The time is 03:36:48 PM.
The time is 03:41:00 PM. Klockwise from the top left, Gael continues to advise Gomez via cell phone, Kyle continues running to "the mall" as fast as his loser legs can carry him, the Singers are hanging out in the non-contaminated but demolished Cocaine Condo, and Gomez goes after Kyle. Palmer is pacing at the back of the auditorium when Brother Palmer approaches him and tells him that he spoke to Dr. Anne's ex-husband. "All he wants is money," says Brother Palmer. "If we pay him off, he'll recant before this debate." Palmer argues that this is "blackmail." Brother Palmer argues that it's "business" and that it's absolutely necessary. Blackmail? So what if Palmer is getting a little nookie from a white-collar criminal? What president hasn't been involved with a white-collar criminal or two? Hell, most of our presidents have been white-collar criminals. I mean, what kind of utopia is this 24-verse U.S. where the presidents are just so scrupulous and principled that the voting public would oust a president who was dating someone who was married to someone who helped underwrite a crooked IPO? Or is President Palmer the stupidest man alive? Anyway, Brother Wayne convinces Palmer to let him bribe Dr. Anne's husband -- and potentially get him into worse trouble than the whole formerly-shady-girlfriend thing -- by referring to the latest polls, which have Palmer's popularity dropping against Keeler's, and by speculating that this ensuing scandal would put Dr. Anne on the front page of every newspaper. "She is not Sherry," warns Brother Palmer. "She's not equipped to handle that kind of scrutiny."