Episode Report Card Gustave: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT That blows
By Gustave | Season 3 | Episode 3 | Aired on 11.10.2003
Cocaine Condo. Mama and Papa Kyle are panicking and otherwise trying to figure out what to do about this giant bag of coke they have in their possession. Papa Kyle wants to call a lawyer. Mama Diabetes thinks that if they leave it alone, it will all do away. "What are we supposed to do?" asks Mama Diabetes rhetorically. "Call the police? Maybe they'll give us a reward and we can pay our rent?" She apologizes when she realizes that was kind of low. All of a sudden a silhouetted figure becomes visible behind the vertical Venetian blinds. Suddenly, chainsaws penetrate the walls of the apartment. Mama Diabetes panics and runs toward the bathroom with the big bag of coke as Kiefer, Dr. Nicole, and the Hazmaticians storm the apartment. Kiefer gets to Mama Diabetes just as she's dumping the powder into the toilet. Kiefer radios Soul Patch "Soul Patch! The virus is out. I repeat, the virus is out!" Kiefer warns Soul Patch that the virus in the sewage system and could possibly be airborne. Soul Patch looks into shutting off the sewage system and establishing an environmental perimeter around the Cocaine Condo. The time is 03:24:14 PM.
The time is 03:28:26 PM. Klockwise from the top left, Haz-Mat suits are all the rage this season, Palmer is pensive, Hartmano is up to something evil, and Kyle is still a loser with poor parents. Palmer is in one of those classic university chambers with filtered sunlight streaming in. He is going over some notes when Dr. Anne knocks and comes in. "What's wrong?" she asks. Palmer tells her that Senator Keeler is planning to use her ex-husband against him in the debate. Through exposition, we learn that the big deal is that Dr. Anne's ex-husband started this healthcare company, and the SEC investigated it and found out that they had fabricated research for the hypertension drug they were producing. Dr. Anne was in charge of reviewing the research. When Dr. Anne's ex went to prison for the crime, he swore up and down that his wife, Dr. Anne, hadn't been in on the sham. Well, now he has reversed his story and he's claiming that Dr. Anne knew the research was faked. Okay, can we just talk about how lame this plotline is? Dr. Anne is Palmer's doctor. She is not a member of his cabinet. And even if she was, hello? What president of late hasn't had cabinet members of advisors investigated for some sort of fraud? Bush is, like, bosom buddies with the CEO of Enron, for crying out loud, and you don't see anyone calling for his impeachment, do you? Anyway, Dr. Anne swears that her ex-husband is lying. "It's your word against his," says Palmer. "You have reason to be suspicious," says Dr. Anne, not quite making full eye contact with him. "God knows you've been betrayed by some of the people you trusted most but I'm not Sherry." Wow, another pal of Palmer's who "isn't Sherry." Anyway, so Dr. Anne does one of those girly things where she puts him back on the defensive by implying that he doesn't trust her. The phone rings. It's Brother Palmer. "Let me guess," says Brother Palmer. "She denied everything." Palmer claims that he believes her. Brother Palmer claims that he might be able to make everything go away. "Meet me in the auditorium…alone," he says.
Back at CTU, Soul Patch is on the phone with Dr. Hazel Mat discussing Nicole's field report. Dr. Hazel feels optimistic, as she thinks that they'll be able to contain the virus, or at least seriously limit the number of casualties. Sure, it's airborne now, but Nicole's team acted fast enough by sealing the apartment building and quarantining the Singers. Of course, by "Singer," she means Kyle's family's last name, but when I hear her say "quarantining the Singers," I am visualizing all of these professional Christmas Carolers in Dickensian costume, locked in a hospital room and fighting amongst themselves. "Oh my God, you guys! I have an audition for a summer stock production of Brigadoon! If I don't get out of here and get some 'me' time, I'm totally going to go in unprepared!" "What about me? Do you have any idea what this virus could do to my beautiful contralto voice?" Soul Patch asks when they are getting test results of the powder. Dr. Hazel tells him they'll be ready in ten to fifteen minutes. Having sufficiently briefed each other, they hang up.