Episode Report Card Gustave: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT That blows
By Gustave | Season 3 | Episode 3 | Aired on 11.10.2003
Hacienda de los Substantivos Controleros. Poor Man's Angelina looks like she's in some sort of after-bath spray-on moisturizer commercial as she slowly and seductively puts on a dress for dinner in her sun-dappled, amber-colored bedroom. What is it, Thanksgiving? Why the early meal? I think we're also supposed to take note of the tattoo on her shoulder blade, but I can't see it clearly. Meanwhile, Hector is watching her and Angelina knows he's watching her. Once her dress is fastened, Angelina asks Hector if he has thought about how it will be when Felipe Hartmano is freed from prison. "'How it will be'?" says Hector. "Same as it always was." Angelina points out to Hector that he's been in charge for the last three months while Felipe has been in prison. "Are you willing to give that up so easily?" she asks provocatively. Hector's cell phone rings. It's Crystal Gael with news that Kiefer is about to "eentercept the package." "Ees Gomez steel on Kyle Seenger?" asks Hector. "Of course," says Crystal Gael. Hector hangs up on him. The camera pans over to Angelina, who is practically taunting him silently.
Cocaine Condo. On the soundtrack is that foreboding ambient music that sounds like a really loud refrigerator humming. Kyle is in the kitchen, drinking milk straight from a glass bottle. And as several people have pointed out in the forums, if Kyle's family is so damn poor, what's with the milk in the glass bottle? The only time I see milk in a glass bottle are high-end places like Dean & Deluca and Whole Foods, or in those damn "Got Chocolate Milk" ads. Hell, why are they drinking store-bought milk in the first place? My father used to save money by making us drink nonfat powdered milk. Thankfully we dropped that practice when I hit third grade. That stuff was nasty. Then again, my father had a job.
Kyle's father enters, wearing no tie and a gray Members Only jacket. Kyle asks him how his job interview went. Wait a sec. Kyle's father went to a job interview wearing polyester slacks and a Members Only jacket? No wonder he's been unemployed forever. Kyle's dad tells Kyle that the interview went "fine." But he doesn't sound enthusiastic. "Your mother tells me you paid the rent," says Papa Kyle. Kyle unconvincingly explains that he "came into a little money." "How does a nineteen-year-old kid who doesn't have a job 'come into a little money'?" asks Papa Kyle. Hey, wait. Kyle doesn't have a job? Shit. I had a job as soon as I turned sixteen. What is up with this family? No one works, but they buy high-end milk from Dean & Deluca and interview in outfits from KMart? Kyle feebly explains that he got it at the racetrack. Papa Kyle doesn't believe him, and asks him if he did something illegal. Kyle repeats his lame racetrack alibi. Kyle's father is all, "This is my house. I pay the rent. I take care of you and your mother." Kyle is all, "And when you get that job, you go ahead and pay me back, all right?" Ouch! Kyle's father goes ballistic, and Kyle locks himself inside his room. For some reason this actually keeps his father out of his room, even though it's one of those flimsy lock you twist inside the doorknob that you can pick open with a credit card.