Episode Report Card Demian: B- | 1 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Wiccaning II: The, Um, Wiccaning, Actually
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 3 | Aired on 09.25.2004
Up in The Prue Halliwell Memorial Bimbo Boudoir Of Paisley Tit Slings And Other Fashion Atrocities, formerly occupied by either Phoebe or Raige, currently occupied by the Psycho, Grams breezes in from the hall in time to pull herself short with a gasp of shock when she finds a black-masked and -hooded gentleman looming over the Psycho. The Psycho, by the way, has erected his shimmery blue force field, and no, I don't know how he managed to get it back after Snidely destroyed the thing in last year's season finale, nor do I care at this point. "Girls!" Grams bellows as the masked figure spins to emit suspiciously Dolt-like bolts of electricity from his right hand. When the bolts slam into Grams, Jennifer Rhodes's stunt double flies backwards to smash into the wall several feet down the hallway before collapsing to the floor, and oops! The low-angle shot of Grams's collapse reveals that they haven't quite finished transferring the sets into the new production studios -- there's a billowing white sheet stretched across the top of the set where the ceiling should be. Phoebe, somehow instantly in the upper hall -- with Tiny Gay Chris nowhere in sight, mind you, like, way to abandon your charge, hag -- bounds to Grams's aid as Raige scampers into Prue Memorial to hurl a set of shelves at the intruder with her orbing telekinesis. The masked gentleman flashes out before the shelves make contact, leaving the dismantled bits of wood to crash into the wall opposite. The Psycho goes red-faced with the caterwauling and whatnot as Raige turns to ensure Grams is okay. "Looks like I didn't get here a minute too soon," Grams purrs from the carpet as Raige heaves a sigh that bounces her boobs straight into the opening credits.
Hmmm. That's interesting. Well, okay, it's totally not, but I just noticed that one of Piper's power shots in the Doormat-free sixth season credits is of her spell-assisted appearance in the aforementioned Doormat's prison cell last season. Wonder if that means she'll be getting around on her own more often this season? Oh, who am I kidding? Like I care.
P3. Piper leans against the shuttered nightclub's empty bar, chatting with a supplier on the phone as the camera pans past three dozen product-placed cans of Red Bull to take in yet another random bar manager ambling over from points unknown. Damn. The employee turnover in this place is fierce. Soon-To-Be-Gone P3 Employee No. 388 banters with Piper over her casual reaction to news of a delayed beer delivery, but it's all just to meant to establish Piper's Issue Of The Week, which once again involves the witch in question attempting to "live [her] life without any powers." She shrills the word "normal" once in this episode, and I'm shooting out my TV. In any event, they're soon interrupted by the arrival of Phoebe, who gallops down the stairs to send Never-To-Be-Seen-Again P3 Employee No. 388 back to the unemployment line as Piper sighs, "What's up?" "Nothing!" Phoebe lies. "I just came by to tell my sister that I finally won a Readers' Choice Award." She's lying again, as we'll soon learn, but that's not important right now. What is important is that Piper greets this news with a deadpanned "Congratulations" before leveling a stony "out with it" stare in the general direction of Phoebe's overly glossed lips. "Yeah, maybe there's one more thing," Phoebe caves. Not daring to meet Piper's eyes, Phoebe admits, "Something happened today after we summoned Grams." Piper instantly goes ballistic, shrieking, "Why did you summon Grams?" and we hear the reason again, with Phoebe denying any responsibility and blaming the whole mess on Raige, but you'll have to excuse me for a moment as I must now destroy another television set. Why? Because Piper replies, "What did I say? I don't want any magic. Look, I know my kids can't have a completely normal life, but I've got to give it a shot." GOD, will you SHUT UP ABOUT THIS ALREADY? "Giving it a shot" would involve binding their fucking powers, like, a year ago, you dingbat. AAAUGH! Why will they not drop this bullshit, already? Shut UP, Piper. Shut UP, shut UP, SHUT UP!