Episode Report Card Demian: B- | 1 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Wiccaning II: The, Um, Wiccaning, Actually
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 3 | Aired on 09.25.2004
Nonexistent Attic. Grams "demon-proofs" the attic with a set of Mystical Crysticals as Victor arrives from downstairs to continue the argument they began in the kitchen. He wants to move ahead with the rivalry reversal, Grams does not. Therefore, he urges her "to bring in a third party, to break the tie." "Third party?" Grams chortles dismissively. "Who'd you have in mind -- their mother?" "Yeah!" Victor blares, leaning forward a bit to get in Grams's face. Grams freezes in disbelief. "Do it!" he orders. "Oh, all right," Grams sings, too overconfident by half, "but she's not going to side with you." She flings a hand into the air to conjure a swirling cloud of glowing golf balls that quickly condenses to deposit a swiftly corporealized Teeth! on the attic carpet. Hello, my dear Teeth! Where have you been for the last two years? And why have you been on a hunger strike for all those many months since last we saw you? Guess we now know where Phoebe got her eating disorders. Patty's of course surprised to find herself in her old home, and even more surprised to find her ex-husband standing before her in the company of her mother. "Wow," Victor smooves, "you look great." Yes, she does. For a woman of forty-five. Unfortunately, Patty took The Swim That Needs No Towel when she was a mere slip of a lass at twenty-six, so she's actually looking pretty goddamned awful if you ask me, Vic. Which you didn't, but whatever. Talk is cheap. Especially mine. "Stop trying to sweet-talk her," Grams growls. Instantly aware from her mother's tone that things are not well in Halliwell Manor, Teeth! rolls her eyes and groans, "What's going on?"
Cordelia's Chamber. Whatever. The Dolt arrives to find out who Doltbacca really is. There's banter, and Cordelia plunges an index finger into her birdbath. Scene.
Meanwhile, back in the nonexistent attic, Penny and Victor are howling at each other with Patty caught in the crossfire. Long story short, Teeth! sides with her live ex-husband against her dead mother. "Fine," Grams pouts. "I can see I'm not needed here." And with that, she vanishes in a magical huff that involves dissolving from the floor up in a bright white flare. Patty sighs as Victor notes Grams "always was a bad loser." "She'll get over it," Teeth! shrugs. The two banter about their relationship, or something, and if we saw them more than once every other year, I might be inclined to care. As it is, I'll just follow them downstairs, where the altered gals immediately fly at their poor dead mother with their shrieking and their shrilling and their pawing and their mewling until Patty recites from memory the following incantation: