Episode Report Card Demian: B- | 1 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Wiccaning II: The, Um, Wiccaning, Actually
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 3 | Aired on 09.25.2004
Previously on Charmed, everything that happened last week. And the week before.
Currently on Charmed, the camera quickly fades up on the Manor exterior before darting inside to the foyer. Phoebe and Raige enter via the dining room beyond, with the former quietly caffeinating as the latter clomps around in mid-rant. The oft-abused marble-topped entrance table is gone from the main hall, but in its place rests a circle of ivory candles, so it would seem that some wacky Wiccan hijinks are already afoot. Also already afoot is the dead-eyed and deceptively listless Psycho, who wields what appears to be a child-sized golf putter. I've no doubt that, the second this scene is over, this putter will end up embedded in the brain of the hapless off-camera production assistant at whom the Psycho is currently glaring. In any event, Raige, continuing a bitchfest that began way back in the kitchen, shrikes, "I have things to do too, you know." Phoebe wordlessly totters in her heels through the circle of candles to deposit her mug on a side table; Raige bends to light the wicks, a hand on her cleavage to prevent her tits from popping out of her top. "I've got all these parents on my back," she continues, "and my freshman potions class? I ordered five hundred dried toads, and what did I get?" Raige straightens up to answer herself with a mugging snort: "Five hundred wet ones." Hey, you asked for it, honey. You could have just kept your lippy yap shut and let the ever-useless Elders close down that wretched and worthless Harry Potter knockoff, but no. You had to go on and on and on endlessly about Heritage and Tradition and The Children, and so you know what you're going to do now? That's right: You're going to fucking deal with it. And you're going to shut up while you're at it, too.
Whatever. "Look, [Raige]," Phoebe replies, "it's just really hard for me to get on board with this when Piper, the actual mother, is totally against doing a Wiccaning." "That's what Grams is here for," Raige snaps back. "To convince her." She steps over to her half-sister's side and directs her attention to the sociopath below. "Look at [the Psycho]," Raige instructs. "He didn't have a Wiccaning until he was six months old, and he almost turned evil!" "Almost"? Try again, Raige. "Do you want a repeat of that?" she demands, ignoring me in favor of nodding in Tiny Gay Chris's direction. The wee sodomite in turn squirms obediently on cue in his bassinet. Phoebe smiles fondly at him as she allows, "Of course I don't," so Raige proceeds to botch a totally easy spell when she incorrectly recites the following from her evidently faulty memory: