Episode Report Card Megyn: D | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Shock The Ducky
By Megyn | Season 4 | Episode 7 | Aired on 2000.08.23
Props to the town of Las Vegas for having such an excellent selection of mullets and karaoke bars. I will never let de-elevator break us down.
Hill. Businesses of America. Jail. It's all booming. Really.
We fade up on Said and Ryan in the lunchroom. Ryan is serving up a heapin' helping of good lookin', and Said asks after Cyril. Ryan says he has fully recovered from the overdose and will be fine except he suffered from a little brain -- oh wait. Never mind. Said praises Allah and moves on down the line for some mac and cheese. Ah. A Schillinger approacheth. Let's listen in, kiddies! "Sorry to hear about your girlfriend, O'Reily." Schillinger's cell-buddy sneers from his perch high atop Mount Ass-kiss and snarks, "Who's his girlfriend?" "Dr. Nathan. She took a leave of absence apparently, after almost choking to death when her boyfriend Ryan tossed M&Ms in her mouth to see how many times she could catch them." Naw, he didn't say that. He really insinuates that she gagged while giving Ryan good oral lovin' Ryan explodes with a mighty "fuck you Schillinger!" and slams a tin full of unidentifiable mystery food onto said demon, and Vern leaps over the counter to kick some booty. Who knew the old geezer was so spry? While the cued cheer arises from the room of masticating inmates, guards cuff Ryan and restrain Vern. Claire says she will take care of Ryan. Oh man, if only I had known at this point how sick and wrong her idea of "taking care" of someone is. Anyway, she takes the now cuffed Ryan into an un-known bathroom with nary a guard in sight. She puts him on the floor and tells him to stay down, only to have Ryan request that she blow him. I don't write it, people, I just recap. Claire replies (insert recapper's violent twitch here), "Again?" with a sly little smile that makes me raise my clenched fists to the heavens, shouting, "Why God? For the love of all that is holy, whyyyyyyy?" So, she does.
Cut to Stanislofsky wearing a yarmulke in his "safe" cell as a rabbi exits. Enter Martin "You need to know, I love you so, and I'd do it all again and again. Whoa. Whoa" Querns in all his soul-glo glory. Querns asks him if he's feeling better, to which Stanislofsky replies, "A dead man needs to cover all his options. Sometime after you send me back to Emerald City, Ryan will find a way to kill me." Querns croons, "I like you, Stanislofsky. I don't know why, but I do." Querns tell him he can let him hang out a few more days in the cell, but Stanislofsky feels he should face the proverbial music. No sense in postponing being killed, I guess. Querns tells him that it's not necessarily written in stone yet. He'll have a talk with Ryan. He leaves, and Stanislofsky sits on the bed as they shut the cell door. He is so dead.