Episode Report Card Gustave: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Velveteen Habit
By Gustave | Season 3 | Episode 1 | Aired on 10.27.2003
As if to answer Soul Patch's question, we cut to a close-up of a giant bag of cocaine. The time is 01:30:05 PM. "Alternative" music is playing on the stereo. A "young adult" is in his bedroom, staring at the stash pensively. He's just about to break the seal on the bag when there's a knock on the door. "Kyle?" asks an adult woman, entering the room. "Tim wants you to know he's down at the pool." "Thanks Mom," says Kyle, a blond young man with innocent green eyes. You can tell he's a good boy gone bad because he has this basic conservative hair cut that he poofed out right after he loaded it up with gel. Kyle's mom wants to know if Kyle can drive her to her doctor's appointment. Geddit? Sick mom? Geddit? Kyle asks why his dad can't drive her. Kyle's mom replies that dad is "at a job interview." Geddit? Unemployed dad? Geddit? Kyle hems and haws some more. Kyle's mom asks what's so important that he can't take his mother to a doctor's appointment. Kyle replies elliptically that he's got "stuff to do today." Kyle's mom reluctantly agrees to call some aunt. "I love you, Ma," says Kyle. She leaves the room, and Kyle breathlessly hides the stash in a gym bag.
Back at the USC campus, Palmer responds to a practice debate question about his compromised health getting in the way of serving another term. Palmer answers with an hour-by-hour breakdown of his daily schedule: up at five AM, an hour at the gym, et cetera. Brother Palmer stops him and tells him not to "dignify the question with a defensive response." Palmer argues that he's only telling the truth. Brother Palmer tells him to answer the question by reminding the people that it was his administration that exposed, brought down, and arrested the people behind the attempt on his life. In other words, the Evil White Oil Capitalists have been brought to justice, and the train wreck that was Season Two has been swept under the rug. Phew. Yes, it's a lame way to end the confusion of Season Two, but I'm glad we're moving on. "Keeler would be lucky to have a fraction of your energy," says Brother Palmer. "That's what you tell 'em." "And mom called him the timid brother," jokes Palmer to his amused staff. An attractive middle-aged woman enters, wearing a stylish pantsuit and a Coach bag. "There's my doctor," says Palmer, and calls for a break. Palmer greets Dr. Anne Packard with a handshake and jokes about how he's "winning the run-through." Brother Palmer interjects that Palmer is feeling "tired." She takes his hand and examines the scar from the handshake of death three years ago. After she touches it a little too tenderly, she takes his blood pressure. His blood pressure is pronounced fine. Brother Palmer gets a call on his cell phone and leaves them to have a private talk. "How tired?" she asks. Palmer insists he's fine. "We haven't done a workup on you in a while," says the doctor. Palmer protests that the doctor is merely trying to find something wrong with him. Dr. Anne backs down, but demands that he submit to a complete physical when he gets back to DC. "Doctor's orders," she says, a little too flirtatiously. "Yes ma'am," says Palmer, a little too flirtatiously. Brother Palmer comes back into hearing range and asks to speak to Palmer alone. He tells Palmer that the phone call was from Health Services, and relays to Palmer the news about the injected body with the infectious virus dumped on the doorstep of Health Services, and that it all might have something to do with bio-terrorism. Palmer tells Brother Palmer to keep his eye on it. The time is 01:33:09 PM.
Back at CTU, Kiefer is doing through some Whatever Data on his laptop. He buzzes Chloe and asks her where the transcripts between Hartmano and Vaselino are. Chloe replies that she put them on his directory. "Goddammit, Chloe, I didn't want it in my directory, I wanted it stored with the rest of the files from Hartmano!" Um, Kiefer? It's called "CTRL+C, CTRL+P." Look into it. Nevertheless, he walks over to her cube and tells her that if she can't get things right the first time, he'll get someone who can to replace her. Chloe retorts that Kiefer never said he wanted that data saved with the other files, and since it's not standard procedure, she would never think of doing it that way. "I can't read minds," she says. "Goddammit, Chloe, do it NOW!" screams Kiefer. Special Agent Charlie Brown, who has been watching all of this from his cube, comes into the Kiefer Kube, closes the door, and asks what all the yelling was about. "I need you to replace Chloe," says Kiefer, shaking with rage. "She's the best analyst we've got," says Special Agent Charlie Brown. Analyst? She seems to be functioning as a secretary. Kiefer claims that Chloe is too slow. "You look like hell," says Special Agent Charlie Brown. Kiefer is all, "What did you just say to me?!?" Special Agent Charlie Brown is all, "We're on active protocol, I just need to know if you're up for it or not." Kiefer tells Special Agent Charlie Brown that he's a "nice kid," but he should never come into his office and talk to him like that. "You were about to fire Chloe for no reason," says Special Agent Charlie Brown. Then we see a shot of Chloe fretting in her office and biting her nails, just like she did after one of Hank's tantrums. Kiefer calls Chloe on the intercom and apologizes for "taking [her] head off." "You happy?" Kiefer asks Special Agent Charlie Brown. Special Agent Charlie Brown glances down at the main floor and sees Spawn looking up at him impatiently. "There's something else I want to talk to you about," he says. They are interrupted by a phone call from Soul Patch. New information has surfaced on Hartmano. "What do you want to tell me?" asks Kiefer, getting ready to go downstairs. "Nothing," says Special Agent Charlie Brown. "It'll hold."