Episode Report Card Gustave: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Velveteen Habit
By Gustave | Season 3 | Episode 1 | Aired on 10.27.2003
Luis hands the "deal" -- which looks like one of those envelopes that contains the winners of this year's Academy Awards -- to the poor man's Alan Dershowitz, who enters the meeting room to give it to S. Hartmano. While Kiefer and Vaselino watch through a one-way mirror, PoorMan'sAlanDershowitz lays the deal on the table for Hartmano to sign. "Are you dere, Kiefer?" calls out Hartmano through the one-way mirror. PMAD tells Hartmano to forget about Kiefer and just sign the deal. "How can I forget the man who put me hee-ar?" asks Hartmano, standing up and getting ready to ham it up big time. "I'm concerned about you, Kiefer. Da tings you did to get me here? I wouldn't wish dem on anyone. Let's face it. You'll never be da same." Kiefer looks stricken. Hartmano continues to tell Kiefer that they are in the same boat and have a special connection. "I don't know," continues Hartmano. "Maybe we always hef been." Hartmano then gives a hearty but ironic laugh. PMAD reminds Hartmano to sign the agreement. Hartmano asks for a pen. "Unless you want me to sign it in my own blood," says Hartmano, with another hearty-ironic chuckle. PMAD hands Hartmano a pen, and Hartmano starts going through the document and initialing the changes while he tells PMAD that he appreciates the good work PMAD has done on his behalf. "But I teenk dey're on to you," says Hartmano. "I don't teenk you 'ave what it takes to keep your mouth shut." "What do you mean?" asks PMAD. Hartmano gives Kiefer a long intense stare through the glass, smiles, and then stabs PMAD in the neck with the pen. This is the big shocking violent moment of the 24 season premiere? Oh, please. Like, who hasn't wanted to stick a Mont Blanc through a lawyer's neck? Kiefer tries to get inside the room. The guards wrestle Hartmano off of PMAD. But it's no use. PMAD is dead. "It's your fault, Kiefer," says Hartmano as the guards carry him off. "And what happens next is on you too." Special Agent Charlie Brown tries to strangle Hartmano, but Kiefer pulls him away. Hartmano, now being led back to his cell, repeats his threat. "What happens next is on you!"
The time is 01:08:00 PM. A red Ford Jeep with an "L.A. Haz-Mat Unit" bumper sticker and a "Haz-Mat Unit" side door decal pulls into the parking lot of National Health Services building, as two men in Haz-Mat suits carry the body from earlier toward the building in a Haz-Mat container. A woman enters, whom the Haz-Mat suits call Dr. Macer. If she keeps her suit on, I'm going to call her Dr. Hazel Mat. Hell, I don't care. I'm going to call her Hazel Mat anyway. She's heard that the body has her name on it, and takes a look at it. It's written on a piece of tape on the man's chest. She examines the blisters on the man's body (and his nasty red chest hair) and concludes that, although further tests will be needed, they might be dealing with someone injected by a type three pneumonic virus. "Type three?" exclaims one of the Hazmaticians. "Isn't that the virus group your team has been doing simulations on?" Hazel confirms this. "I think that's why this was addressed to me," she says. "Go ahead and start the preliminary tests. I'll contact Director Almeida."