Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT A Pain In My Ass
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 10 | Aired on 01.16.2002
A four-door hatchback has flipped onto its roof in the middle of the road, the unconscious driver strapped upside-down in her seat. Defying all laws of physics I'm familiar with vis-à-vis car accidents, a fire presently breaks out on the asphalt adjacent to the rear driver's-side window. Needless to say, the flames immediately race up the exterior of the overturned vehicle to fan out across the entire undercarriage. Someone more familiar with such things is going to have to explain to me what the hell is so flammable about the entire undercarriage of a hatchback, just as soon as I start caring about the possible answers. Actually, don't bother. Upon closer inspection, it becomes evident that the pyrotechnics crew simply rigged a line of fire jets about a foot behind the car, and the director is forcing the perspective to make it look like the entire car's on fire. "It's about to explode," Cole warns, much to my disappointment. Had he rather said, "It's gonna blow," I could have reminded him that it already does. Piper freezes the scene and races over to the vehicle with Cole in tow as Raige remains on the sidewalk. Piper and Cole struggle briefly with the jammed door before Piper turns to spot Raige, seemingly paralyzed by the sight of the blaze. Piper calls to her, presumably to have Raige orb the occupant out of her seat. Raige remains rooted in place, aghast. Cole eventually forces the door open, and he and Piper pull the woman from the car. As they drag the victim onto the grass, the background scene unfreezes and the hatchback explodes. For a moment, I think to myself that only Pintos blow up that quickly. Then I remember I don't care. The force of the explosion knocks Piper and Cole to their respective knees. Piper rises to address Raige, wondering why she didn't hustle over for an assist. Cole glances up at Raige as well as Raige remains still, hyperventilating a bit in what I'm assuming is meant to be a low-key panic attack. The camera pulls in tight on Raige's face as an image of the blazing wreck on the street is superimposed over it like Raige is the Firestarter. Credits.
Manor. Cole races down the stairs to the main hallway clad in a shiny brown turtleneck that is entirely the wrong color for him. We know he's no longer a demon -- as he's told us twice already this evening and will tell us again in a matter of seconds -- but please: No more earth tones on Julian McMahon. Stick to the black or go with some Amish solids, because anything else just washes out his face. Now, where was I? Oh, yeah. Phoebe follows, demanding to know where Cole intends to go and what he intends to do once he's there. Cole claims he's heading out in search of "a life." With Darryl. Phoebe frets, "The last time you left like this, you went out and got a gun." After insisting that he'll not repeat that particular error, Cole reluctantly admits he needs "action." With Darryl's gun. Phoebe: "I kinda thought we were doin' okay in that department." Cole squints his eyes. I roll mine. "Overnight," Cole notes, he was transformed "from all-powerful demon to mere mortal." Now, he has adequacy issues. No comment. Yet. However, Cole continues, saving the prior evening's accident victim from certain immolation has given him a newfound sense of purpose. He's determined to find a reason aside from Phoebe "to get up in the morning." Like...Darryl? Cole feels Phoebe's drifting away from him in the wake of his rejected marriage proposal. Having slathered this particular expository guilt trip all over his would-be intended, Cole takes his leave. Phoebe pouts. I yawn around the cigarette dangling from my mouth. Amazing how the filter can remain glued to your lower lip during moments such as these.