Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT A Pain In My Ass
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 10 | Aired on 01.16.2002
Sidebar, if you'll allow me a moment. The popular rumor has it that the Charmed production staff had planned for a Raige-centric Christmas episode entitled "Home For The Halliwells" prior to the events of September 11th. In the wake of those events, the WB canceled all plans for holiday-specific episodes across its entire programming schedule, with an eye on the possibility that further terrorist attacks could force the network to preempt that programming. "The only time to air an original Christmas episode is around Christmas," the thinking went. "Since we can't guarantee world events will allow for that, let's just get rid of them all." I don't have a problem with that business decision. It makes complete sense. (For an example of how awful hastily-retooled holiday-specific episodes can be, I give you "Four Scary Stories," courtesy of the idiots responsible for Dawson's Creek.) What I do have a problem with is that the Charmed production staff evidently decided to merge the Raige-centric Christmas material with a pre-planned later episode focusing primarily on Phoebe and Cole. There's enough material in tonight's offering to be spread across two episodes. Two very very bad, very very tedious episodes, but still. There had to be a better way.
Anyway, back from the break, San Francisco's finest are investigating the scene of Charlie and Caril's crime. Again, I don't care. Piper and Darryl stumble in, Piper freezes the scene so she can steal the surveillance tape while Darryl gets rid of the fingerprints on the counter, Darryl discovers Charlie and Caril knocked over a bridal shop down the street, Piper realizes the criminally-insane lovebirds just want to get married, and the two leave. Holly Marie Combs and Dorian Gregory are both terribly amusing during all of this, but like I said: I. Don't. Care.
Principal's Office Of The Damned. Raige and the Dolt chatter away on a bench outside the office while Lisa and Pops consult with a "Principal Harris" regarding Raige's latest transgression. Raige has issues. She traveled back in time to stop feeling guilty, and now she feels guiltier than ever! Lisa and Pops think she's a total screw-up! But she's not! It's not fair! If only she could convince them that everything in her life ends up okay, but she can't! Because they die before they can see how successful she's become at avoiding anything resembling work at the BLACK HOLE OF SOCIAL SERVICES! Raige determines to somehow avoid the car accident, thereby saving her parents' lives and altering history in the process. For some reason, altering history in this instance is verboten, despite the fact they've altered history before on this program, with no ill effects. Obi Dolt Kenobi tells her, "You can't change history, [Raige]. Only learn from it." No, Dolt. See above. "The reason we journeyed to the past," he continues, "was so you could learn from it." "They're my parents," she counters. "I have to do something." I must admit, I'm completely with Raige on this one. Raige leaps from the bench and storms into the office proper to interrupt the meeting. She discovers she's being suspended for sassing Stan, cutting class, smoking on campus, and possession of alcohol. Only a suspension? Sweet. You just know that nowadays she'd be expelled and sent to Catholic school where she belongs. Lisa and Pops, however, are gravely disappointed with their little foundling.