Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT A Pain In My Ass
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 10 | Aired on 01.16.2002
Whatever. A whirlwind appears and presently deposits this "Clyde" person in the middle of the circle of candles on the floor. This "Clyde" Person is played by one of the most regrettable guest actors they've ever had on this show, which, in all fairness, might be due to the direction he'd been given. To indicate that he's a "harmless" malevolent spirit, he's apparently been told to SCREAM. EVERY. LINE. You know, the sound-and-fury, all-bark-no-bite style of cartoon acting so often found on Saturday morning children's programming of lesser quality. He isn't so much destroying the set by eating it as he is by BLARING IT ALL DOWN. So, This "Clyde" Person is PEEVED, as the Dolt called him away from a CLIENT he had accompanied to the original WOODSTOCK to see JIMI HENDRIX. Phoebe's ears perk up at this. I'm assuming she's interested in traveling back in time to beat Cynthia Plaster-Caster at her own game. I suppose this would also be an example of personal gain, but I'm not even going to bother to point that out. Except for the part where I just did. The Dolt fills This "Clyde" Person in on the task at hand. After a bit of negotiation (read: blackmail), the Dolt convinces This "Clyde" Person to waive his customary fee. This "Clyde" Person refuses to accompany Raige, however, so the Dolt agrees to act as her guardian. This "Clyde" Person snaps his fingers, and a battered wooden door complete with frame shoots down from above into the middle of the circle. He opens the door to reveal a world of wonder therein, if by "a world of wonder" one means "crappy grey CGI swirls against a black background." Raige takes a deep breath and steps through, followed by the Dolt. This "Clyde" Person -- who's barefoot, by the way, as if he could be any more annoying -- tries to sell Phoebe and Piper a little trip down memory lane for themselves. As he does so, two of the crappy grey CGI swirls escape into the attic behind his back. Piper declines his offer for the two of them. This "Clyde" Person shuts the door and, snapping his fingers once more, sends it flying out of the attic. He takes his long-awaited leave by snapping one last time and flaring out.
Left alone, or so they think, Phoebe and Piper hash out a plan for Raige's return. Piper agrees to whip up some comfort food in the kitchen for dinner, and heads to the door. One of the swirls takes this opportunity to dive-bomb into Phoebe's tits. Phoebe's tits quiver like Jell-O on a fault line as the swirl worms its way into her body. "Jell-O on a fault line"? Who am I trying to kid? More like saline implants on a starlet, for that's exactly what they are. Phoebe straightens herself and in Alyssa Milano's best cracker accent addresses the remaining swirl in the rafters thusly: "Don't worry, Frankie. I'll find a you a body, too." Time travel and demonic possession in a single episode? Aw, guys. You shouldn't have.