Episode Report Card Wing Chun: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT National Lampoon's Kashmiri Vacation
By Wing Chun | Season 2 | Episode 9 | Aired on 12.07.2002
Toque: You might worry that about a regular mom, anyway.
Wing Chun: Yeah, but refusing to pay your tab at the hair salon isn't the same as selling you out to a pack of Pakistani terrorists. On the other hand, maybe she would teach you the secret of being over fifty and having a wicked ass.
Toque: If being evil gets you an ass like that, I'll start selling out Canada tomorrow.
Wing Chun: Pfft. No one wants to buy Canada's secrets. "Oh no, someone else will corner the market on fatty bacon!"
Toque: Yeah, you're right. I hate Canada.
In his office, Cuvee pours glasses of clear booze for himself and Irina as they have a subtitled conversation in...Tagalog? Just kidding -- I think it's Russian. Whatever. Doesn't matter. Not English and not French; that's all I know for sure. Cuvee says he heard she'd been killed. She says she was captured by the CIA and held for three months, but that she got out by convincing them that she'd help them steal the warheads. "You little witch," Cuvee says playfully. She grins. They start making out.
Sloane, toting a briefcase, stalks through a park somewhere -- probably back in Los Angeles. As we hear a tinny voice start to speak, Sloane puts his hand to his ear: "Hi, Mr. Sloane? It's me, Marshall. Sorry. You probably already know that. We planned this." Aw, Marshall. Supernerd. "Anyway, the tracer on the bonds is working perfectly," Marshall tells him, watching a dot moving across a map on Marshall's monitor back at SD-6. Sloane curtly tells Marshall he's turning off his comm. Sloane then sits on a bench and peers around. His little yellow sunglasses are very cool. His cell phone rings, and when he answers it, a dude tells Sloane to leave the suitcase on bench and keep walking. As Sloane walks off, the voice on the phone tells him to proceed toward the corner while the blackmailers "verify the authenticity of the bonds."
Back at SD-6, Marshall follows the dot on his map and brags about how great he is.
Park. The voice tells Sloane to go to the row of vending machines and take the City View fifth from the top.
SD-6. Marshall: "I told you. Ain't nobody getting by Magic Marshall's invisible liquid tracer." The speech is accompanied by cocky hand gestures and flourishes.
Park. Sloane reaches for a newspaper.
SD-6. Marshall does a smug little dance in his geek lair.
Park. Sloane pulls out a paper and takes out an envelope, from which he removes a couple of Polaroids. In the photos, Emily looks as though she's been shot in the head. I say "looks as though" since, only last week, we just happened to see Sydney sporting a fake gunshot wound to the head for strategic reasons. I don't read spoilers and I don't know what happens with the whole Emily thing. I'm just pointing out the parallel. Anyway, Sloane recoils slightly from the photos.