Episode Report Card Wing Chun: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT National Lampoon's Kashmiri Vacation
By Wing Chun | Season 2 | Episode 9 | Aired on 12.07.2002
Marshall ceases to boogie, returns his attention to his monitor, and notices the little window that's popped up, inviting him to visit the world's greatest online casino. He closes that, which spawns six more windows, one of which starts flashing, "SIGNAL LOST." Marshall freaks out.
Did We Mention The Doom? We Did? Cool. Sydney stands up in a cell, watching the action unfolding across the way in Jack's cell. Jack is being visited by his lawyer and a State Department official, who are advising him of his rights. Duh, not really. Jack is sitting on his bed. Cuvee stands opposite, with Irina standing between them, facing Sydney and smirking periodically in Cuvee's direction. She's wearing a green tank top that really shows off her pipes. Damn, that woman is cut. We cut from Sydney's POV into Jack's cell, where Cuvee is casually telling Jack, "Not to brag, but I'm kind of responsible for matchmaking you and Irina. Did she tell you?" Jack gazes sadly over at Irina, who smirks. Cuvee says, "I was her supervisor at the KGB. I was the one who gave her the assignment to go to the U.S. and marry a CIA officer. Now, you weren't the only prospect, of course, but you had the most potential. I actually thought it would dawn on you that a woman like this would never go for someone like you." Irina -- who's been smirking back and forth at Jack and Cuvee -- reacts to this by turning toward with a faux-shocked gasp and nearly silent giggle of scandalized delight, all, "Oh, honey, you're terrible!" Leaning down into Jack's face, Cuvee adds, "Luckily for me, your ego was too big for that." Jack jumps up and (it all moves very fast) seems to punch Cuvee in the face with both cuffed hands. Cuvee staggers backward, and Irina smashes Jack in the head -- either with her fist or the butt of her gun; it's hard to see. Across the hall, Sydney flinches and bites her lip, her eyes filling with tears. In Jack's cell, Cuvee regains his footing and, pulling out a gun, aims it at Jack, screaming, "You're a dead man!" From Sydney's POV, we see Irina step between the two men, holding up her hands in front of Cuvee and reminding him, "I want what we came for." Her eyes flashing anger, she slowly raises her gun at Jack, saying, "Sark's made a deal with us. What kind of double-cross is he planning?" From Sydney's perspective, we see Irina walking toward Jack and hissing, "Maybe you didn't hear me." Jack stares up at her uncomprehendingly. Sydney cowers and cries. Irina bares her teeth, shoves the barrel of her gun against Jack's neck, and murmurs, "We know Sark has a new partner. Who is it?" But we know that she knows that it's SD-6, so I guess this is Jack's (and our) signal that this whole scene is for Cuvee's benefit.