Episode Report Card Wing Chun: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT National Lampoon's Kashmiri Vacation
By Wing Chun | Season 2 | Episode 9 | Aired on 12.07.2002
Super-Secret Facility Of Doom. DOOM! A soldier of some kind is strutting toward the camera, rocking his "Blue Steel" look, when suddenly Jack (in soldier drag) pops out of nowhere, overpowers him, and smashes him, palm-first, onto a hand scanner thingy. "[Bone Snaps]," asserts the caption. The "[Door Beeps]," and Jack walks in.
Sydney, also dressed as a soldier (complete with no-nonsense olive-drab head scarf) messes with the heating panel. As she turns to go, she runs smack into another soldier, who pulls a gun on her. There's the usual foreign-language exchange ("I'm new." "Where's your ID?" "Up your mother's ass," and so forth) until the soldier relents and smarms, "About time they sent us something decent to look at." Sydney smiles and submissively gazes at the floor in order to delay the guy's obvious next question -- namely, "Hey, this Pakistani terrorist organization hires white girls now?" -- and takes off.
Computer room. Jack pulls up Cuvee's voice track and screams, "Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin roof! Rusted." Or, he says, "My name is Gerard Cuvee" in the foreign language of the week. Farsi? I don't know.
ALLIANCE HEADQUARTERS. Sloane has assembled the band of evil brothers to bring them up to speed about Emily's non-death and the blackmail that has ensued. When Sloane gets to the part about SD-6's lab determining that she was alive when her finger was removed, SpongeBrit SquareFace comments that blood coagulation tests are not 100 percent accurate. Sloane counters that, even so, they are reliable. Sloane then hands over photos that "security section" has obtained, apparently of Emily on a plane to Santiago. Baron Von Sunkencheeks asks Sloane whether he knows the identity of the man with Emily; Sloane does not, and adds the part about the $100 million in bearer bonds. SquareFace asks who knew of Sloane's orders to kill Emily; Sloane says that no one "outside this room" did. Sunkencheeks asks whether Sloane is accusing one of the Alliance members of blackmailing him. Sloane says he is not, but adds that someone has infiltrated their secure communications. SquareFace says that whoever it is will get nothing. Sloane rejects that avenue, saying they have to eliminate this leak before the blackmailer finds out any more damaging information about the Alliance: "I propose that we put a tracking device on the bonds. That we make this exchange. That we follow the blackmailer, and we assassinate him." SquareFace -- who seems to be roiling with repressed rage -- says, "You understand, Arvin, after all this, if you get your wife back, she will still have to be eliminated." Sunkencheeks sucks his cheeks in Sloane-targeted disapproval. Sloane says he understands.