Episode Report Card Demian: B | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Sex And The Single Dolt
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 16 | Aired on 2004.02.22
Raige clomps into the kitchen with a stack of dirty dishes to inform Phoebe that Piper "knows [they're] up to something." Raige sets the dishes near the sink and crosses to the center island to sigh, "I can't believe how hard it is to get two people laid." "That is disgusting!" Phoebe eye-rolls, and I'm torn, because it is abhorrently disgusting as only a reference to Dolt Sex can be, but then again: Phoebe? Squeamish about matters carnal? Pull the other one. "We are trying to romance Piper and [the Dolt] together," Phoebe corrects, "so they can conceive [Big Gay] Chris, our nephew." Raige is all, "And this is different from what I said…how, exactly?" "What you said is very Springer," Phoebe flusters. "What I said is very Oprah." Raige, rather than clawing Phoebe's eyes out with her fingernails for implying she's no better than the gutter trash that appear on Springer, chooses to remain somewhat calm as she reminds Phoebe that they're running out of time. The two agree to summon the big gay one to update him on the Dolt Sex sitch. Phoebe bellows at the ceiling, and my husband presently orbs in, all, "So how's it going?" and I don't really care what the answer is, because HE FINALLY CUT HIS HAIR! Hooray! It's still a little flippy in the back there, not unlike Jack McPhee's scary mini-mullet at the beginning of the fifth season of Dawson's, but I'll not be complaining, as it's a damn sight better than the assy mess Chris has been tossing around for the last five episodes. In any event, Raige cringes and admits, "Not so good." She's talking about the prospects for his conception, not his hair. Just so we're clear on that. Big Gay Chris freaks. "It has to happen today, or I don't happen!" he panics. "Today?" Phoebe repeats with a bit of disbelief coloring her tone. Yep. Chris "did the math," and if he's not conceived by midnight, he won't be born, no one will travel to the past from 2026 to warn the Glamorous Ladies of Mangy Jesus and his reign of terror, cats will lie down with dogs, the world will end with a whimper, yada yada, doom. Chris suggests slipping the parentals a love potion. Raige immediately shoots this down, but does not explain why. Perhaps it's for the same mysterious and annoying reason she broke up with Buttfuck, but the less said about him, the better. Phoebe suggests that they simply explain the situation to Piper and the Dolt and hope the two take appropriate action. "And give them a massive case of performance anxiety," Raige snorts dismissively. The kitchen three mope for a bit until the familiar sounds of demonic hijinks reach their ears from the Manor's main hall.